it’s hard to be your friend when i have

your tiktoks saved in my camera roll,

rewinding so i can see your smile on saturday mornings,

pausing so i can kiss the screen where your cheek is, desperate longing to feel your freckles

under my lips

it’s hard to be your friend when you speak to me with words and i look at you

with feelings, analyzing every flutter

of your eyes and flush of your cheeks

it’s hard to be your friend when i’m

waiting to get over you

and waiting to have you,

one step closer with every laugh you offer,

like a shard of the sun itself

it’s hard to be your friend

when the word friend makes me want

to tear my hair out,

cry and scream and sit in silence,

numb to the pain that shoots through me

whenever you say her name

it’s hard to be your friend

when i find myself wondering if she

treasures you the way i do,

thanks the holy god above for allowing

her to be in your life,

if she would ever let you go,

it’s hard to be your friend

when i so wish that i wasn’t

and even though it’s hard to be your friend,

i sometimes wonder if it would be

any harder not to be