POEM STARTER
Paper boats, the scent of lemons, and tears.
Use these descriptors as inspiration for a poem.
We sent paper boats into storm drains,
not knowing our childhoods,
would wash away with them.
The scent of lemons on fingers—
in sunlit kitchens—
lingered longer than pinky promises.
You cried when one boat sank.
But I laughed,
not yet knowing,
how change,
begins with small endings.
Now the lemons are just sour,
and the boats don’t sail.
I’m so sincerely obsessed with this. I think you perfectly captured the feeling you were trying to evoke and the structure of your poem went very well with that feeling. I’m deeply impressed. I have so much trouble doing that… nice one! 💚💚💚
I usually have more to say, but this poem is phenomenal. I have a few minor critiques.
One is that the em dashes and commas are not really used properly. Two examples: first, the opening line should be “We sent paper boats into storm drains—/Not knowing our childhoods/Would wash away with them.” Second, it should be “The scent of lemons on fingers/In sunlit kitchens” with no punctuation dividing the line.
My only other critique is that you should explore more vivid imagery. Your descriptions here paint a great picture, but you could absolutely take it to publishing level with a bit more emphasis on the five senses. “The scent of lemons” could be turned into a much more impactful line, something like “the fragrant citrusy scent of lemons.” Not exactly that, but just making the scene more vivid would make this poem even more beautiful.
