If only the world had showed me a little more mercy, these people would not all be dead.

But they are. Here is how it all came to happen.

Not surprisingly,it started the day I was born. My mother was hoping for someone else - perhaps a little blond girl. I was not a little blond girl. But even with that it might have worked out. My mother could have decided that a son was nice -was worthy of love. That was not the choice she made.

School was not any better than home. Adults who would rather I was not present. But for additional fun, there were bullies - people of my age class. They not only did not give a shit about me; they worked very hard to make my life painful. Being ignored and unloved was one thing, having the crap beat out of you was another.

As I grew older, there were girls. Oh, how I wanted them. I wanted the prestige of having a date. They didn’t even have to be pretty or popular. And, of course, I wanted sex with them. It turns out that girls can hurt you more than bullies.

And so my life went. If I really dig deep, I can come up with a person or two - certainly no more - who said “ nice job” or “how ya doin,?”. A simple “Hello” was equally rare.

So here we are. Twelve dead people: soon to be thirteen. All because nobody could be bothered to offered me anything.