keeping my head above water

when my lungs want to collapse,

and the dark abyss of nothingness invites me in

is good enough for now.

i’m surviving,

and that’s okay

everything is as it’s meant to be....

she can’t breathe.

the walls are closing in on her,

the space growing tighter,

and tighter

and tighter.

tick tock.

tick tock.

she looks up,

the subtle sound of clockworks

momentarily drawing her attention away

from her entrapment.

the clock reads:

0.54AM.

she looks away,

her eyes fixing on the door.

she tries the handle:

push,

it refuses;

pull,

it refuses.

push again,

pull again,

again,

and ag...

If your hand could reach inside my heart,

what would you do with it?

if i opened my walls and let you back in,

would you break me again?

i love you

and i shouldn’t love you

not after everything

but is it so wrong to still want you,

to still need and crave you,

like an addiction left unsatisfied?

i want to let you in,

but how can i?

why is it that after all the time

i still can’t let you go?...

im okay.

on the stage

i’m okay

beneath the spotlights

i’m okay

but in my darkest moments

when the camera turns off

i’m not

they’re just lines

from a script i memorised

rehearsed till perfection

rehearsed till you can’t find the flaws

i’m really not okay

backstage i’m a mess

i’m broken and shattered and exhausted

but when i get on the stage

i’m okay

i have to be okay

i have to play my part

i have...

freedom.

what does that really mean?

an outsider might look in,

through a small hole in the wall,

and say that we are free.

but i know too well,

i see beyond small hole in the wall.

i see the chains of our words,

that tie us down to the floor.

i see the cuffs of our ghosts,

that hug onto our wrists.

i know that we are not free,

for we are bound by our own misery....

why do i always have to be

the one at the side?

i sit here on the bench,

simply watching them shine;

basking in their glory,

but never having mine.

they’re the stars, and i’m their shadow,

trailing just a step behind.

and the worse part is

i can’t even cry,

because each one of the stars deserves to shine.

so i’ll just sit here,

waiting patiently for the time,

where i won’t envy the stars,

becaus...

We fly.

Whispers of doubt weigh on us,

but still we fly.

Wind howls at us,

threatening to throw us off track,

but still we fly.

The sun sets,

forming a path for darkness,

but still we fly.

We fly

and we fly

and we fly.

We keep flying,

searching for our beacon of hope.

We fly on nothing but faith,

and right now,

that’s more than enough....