Still waters run deep,

Behold the anaerobic desert of my mind:

Old grudges, words unsaid, sink to the bottom

And calcify.

Down and down and down,

I could drown a thousand times

In the time it would take me to open my mouth

So I scream.

Not out loud.

No.

Not where anybody could possibly hear—

Beneath the surface....

My heart still aches for you,

Tho I know you’re gone.

I counted the days, you know.

The days since I dug your grave.

The days since I tried to scrub the dirt from beneath my fingernails—

Unable to see my hands through the tears.

I don’t count the days any more.

The months, yes,

But the wound has scabbed over.

Sometimes something gets caught. Like today.

The scab ripped away and it’s fresh again.

I...

Misty with the dusk

Timid floral fires

Light the mountains

As the daylight dies

Seeping in

Come the creeping dark

The storm tossed sea risen up

Swallowing the landscape...

Day to day

Locked away

Those around me

Go around me

Nothing

A couple billion ants

Little worker bees

But for a moment

Just a moment

I start to wonder

The man who pushed

Past me onto the bus

Maybe

Couldn’t be late an interview

And maybe

The woman on her phone

in the park

Just got the news her grandma died

And maybe even

Every single soul

Is the main character

Of their own narrative

Eight bil...

Open skies beckon in something broader.

Would that that pale Carolina blue

Would crack and tremble

Beyond the midday hue

And the clouds that daily assemble.

Open skies beckon in something broader.

A wide dark cut with the light from a billion stars…

This can’t be all there is.

World weary and sore like all these old scars…

Where somewhere, somewhere out there ideas still fizz.

Open skies beckon...

Once upon a time, the land was merry and gay

The town folk laughed and chattered away

At least, that’s how it felt.

In my brain.

Before. I can barely remember it now.

The voices I can’t call to the fore

The noise and bustle a faint myth of yore.

Because things are different now.

The sunshine has dimmed for an eternal darkness

Merry is no longer made in this head

Not much is made at all

The energ...

Partings are sorrow

Sorrow so and such that I’ll never go

Go, going, gone

Gone, it was. A lie always

Always it was, pretty words

Words to drive a dagger into my heart

Heart, a strange euphemism

Euphemism for feelings and the softness of the mind

Mind that I prefer the pretty words to the organs on the table...

Head in the clouds

Feet on the ground

Plodding slowly towards reality

But above, above, so far above

Lies the infinite

Fire woven

In the gold of morning

A sea of clouds

Lined in silver but made of blood...

It is easier to tell someone the truth when you can’t see their face.

I know this is true, and I know I’m a coward.

As I hit send I feel it with all my being.

We’re done.

Two words, a long time coming.

I couldn’t say it in person. I never would’ve be able to.

Read. The little check mark alerts me to their knowledge.

And then the alerts start rolling in.

What’s wrong?

Can we talk about this?

Call ...

My mind plays tricks on me.

I know it does… so why do I always fall for them?

A thousand tiny hints.

A flicker of a thought..

Just a flicker.

In the back of my mind.

I didn’t hear it. I swear I won’t.

I refuse.

But there it is, again… louder this time.

What if? It always starts with a “what if”.

What if there’s a fire?

What if it were your fault?

What if…

And back I go. Again.

And again. And again...