Back to sleepless nights

Back to not feeling

Back to suffering

Back to hot showers after cutting

Back to nothing can cure me

Back to blasting music so I can’t hear myself

Back to wishing it could end

Back to blank looks

Back to ceiling stares

Back to faking

Back to no showers

Back to hiding it from myself

Back to braclets

Back to hoodies

Back to bandaids

Back to not telling anyone

Ba...

2 months of rebound

2 months of kiss and don’t tell

2 months of I love you’s

2 months of punching me

2 months of guilt tripping

2 months of being used so I could feel validated and loved

2 months of defending you

2 months of being your only help

2 months of pain.

That’s not that bad because now there are things that will last forever

1 forever of me being wrong

1 forever of thinking this i...

All I imagine

Is you and me under a willow tree

Sitting alone

Watching the tone

The tone of the earth

The grass swaying in the wind

The tree branches singing to us

The picnic blanket flying up with every breeze

And you look at me and smile

And I look at you and smile

and that’s when I realize

everything might turn out okay...

Just wondering why the same fucking day

Not that I care but you aren’t okay

You said that you loved me and put up fight

Then there I see you

Talking to your ex

Making her talk to me

Saying you are gonna shoot me

Not that I care but you aren’t okay

Just wondering why the same fucking day

Just saying, I have moved on completely....

Scan the barcodes

They aren’t even healed

They’re bumpy and bruised

And still very red

Scan the barcodes and you could see

I’m worth more then you could ever be

I was able to get away

Able to fight

Worth more then I thought

More then you’ve got....

48 days wasted

My blood is just for wasting

Nobody stopped the massacre

The massacre that no one could see

48 days wasted

My arms look brutal

Nobody can fix it

The destiny for someone like me...

The Elephant in the room

My feelings were irrelivent

You wanna ask I know you do

You want me to feel

The pain you feel too

You wanna know

I do too

But the answer is

I never really liked you....

I like HIM like I should

I want HIM like I should

HES pretty as HE should

I like HER I really shouldn’t

I want HER I really shouldn’t

SHES pretty I really shouldn’t

I kissed HER I really shouldn’t

THEY don’t like ME…

is it because of ME?...

I’m pushing you out of my life

I just simply don’t want you in it

It’s not personal

I mean a little bit

I did like you

don’t get me wrong

I feel free now

Free like the waves on a beach

Free like the sand on your feet

Free like the wind in your hair

I never wanted to care

I never wanted to feel

I never wanted to heal

But look at me

Now I’m here

15 days

Almost 16

So exited for the things I...

I hate it

I hate it

I got so far

I didn’t mean to

I wanna go back

I don’t want to do it anymore

Stop I wanna go back

No stop please stop I don’t want to.

Its over…

I did it…

Didn’t hurt…

Put it in my app…

A whole week

I was so proud

Doesn’t matter anyway

Nothing does now

Especially me. 🤷‍♀️...