New Years.

Every December 31st

after all the excess of the holidays

starts drawing to a close

we naturally begin to reflect

on the year that has passed

and what lies ahead.

Resolutions are made

and there is an air of hope

as new beginnings

feel within our grasp.

A clean slate, a new you

life is reset.

A focus on health

a burst of motivation

“I’ll do better this time!

This year’s my year!”

...

I sit, silently observing, as you hug your daughter. She just came home from school, cheeks flushed from the cold and eyes bright with excitement.

The hug was so casual, lacking of any kind of urgency. The kind of hug that you give when you know there will be a million more to come. One at bedtime later, perhaps another in the morning. My hands cup my wine glass as I suddenly feel like an outside...

“When will we get pregnant?”

Waiting, testing, negative again.

Friends announcing, happy tears

My despair grows until

Finally, one day

Two lines appear.

“When will the baby arrive?”

Morning sickness, more like all day sickness.

Aches, heartburn, and stretch marks

Preparing, nesting until

Finally, one day

My water breaks.

“When will she sleep at night?”

Midnight feedings, sleepless nights

B...

My life is marked by a before, and an after. The Before was a wonderful life, filled with promise. I was carefree and oh so beautifully innocent, the future a vast ocean of opportunity and hope. You were in it, and we were happy. I never took a moment with you for granted, I was so happy and incredibly proud to be your mother.

Then, one day you woke up with a headache. We didn’t think much of it,...