Bernie sips his Diet Coke slowly as he eyes me coolly, while Gary picks at his fingernails distractedly.

“He’s been in there for a while, huh? Maybe we should steal his fries.” I meekly offer this lame attempt for friendly small talk but can see I’m getting nowhere by Gary’s brow-furrowing and intensified fingernail picking.

“So, did I mention I have been collecting David Fincher VHSs and foun...