Swirly wrists

Twirly twists

They circle everything

I see it on the screen

Though my mind is over twirls

I want a new kind of world

Existence is never ending

Is this place still waiting, pending

My sanity is swirling away

My pain is hurling, it sways

Should I be feeling emotions

When love is stuck In between oceans

Scars are struck, twirling commotion

Maybe I should calm my mind

But I still swirl...

I’m the

Girl who tried

But still died in the end

Am I even any better than I was before

I haven’t made any progress, I’m still stuck,

And I never can be fixed.

I’ll just always be broken.

I’m breaking again slowly but surely

And It will come back worse,

after really trying I’ll feel like a disappointment for even trying to try in the first place.

Because ultimately I’m still worthless.

And I...

I lost everything.

My sanity.

My dignity.

My love.

My health.

My wealth.

My girlfriend.

My friends.

My happiness.

My sadness.

My life.

Yet I’m still here.

Who am I?

I’ll never know.

But you will.

One day you’ll know me,

And I’ll finally see who I am.

But for now I’m just,

Lost

Lost until I’m back home.

I don’t know what home is

In this bitter cold world.

I’ll stay alive for you.

You won’t have to ...

Coins

Flip the coin

See where it lands

The clanking noise

I can’t stand

Heads tails

It’s all the same

I’m just tired

Of playing this game

Heads tails

It won’t define me

I’m just tired

Of constantly trying

One or the other

My life or my death

I live to suffer

Gambling my breath

Shut up I know

How much you care

But I can’t hear it

In suffocating air

My coins they fall

Out of my mouth

I feel so...

Did they… finally give up on me?

Wait what… what is this feeling,

Loneliness? Emptiness?

No.

I told them to give up…

But maybe-

That was the only way I could ask for them to save me.

Please…

Why did you have to give up too?

Even though I was the one who asked you to…

Please…

It hurts-

It-

Hurts even more now…

Why am I me?

Who even am I?

Who was I ever?

What is it I’m doing?

I don’t ...

Did I cross the line?

I don’t think so…

I can’t tell anymore.

Why is there a line?

And who made it

Why shouldn’t I cross it?

Now I want to.

Though when I did.

I remembered again.

That I was the one who made it.

And then I went back.

To the other side of the line.

And sat there and told my self.

To never cross it again.

Why did I cross the line?

I don’t know…

I can’t tell anymore.

...

If only

I was as good

As everything

I want to be,

But what I want to be

Just Can’t be.

It’s to good for me

I’m so painfully numb now.

The world is crumbling

My head is spinning

My heart is failing

I can’t do this

All they ever tell me is

Keep going

It will get better

Just take one more step

One more time

Keep moving forward.

But what if moving forward moves me back.

To where I fail.

Ultimately ...

TW ‼️- mention of su!c!de and

Self h@rm

Ya know Ive written this letter a countless number of times. Nothing ever feels right. I mean my life never feels right either. At this point what choice do I have but to end it. Killing yourself is easy. But have I ever stopped and thought, how many times I’ve tried? No, who would truly think about it that much? I do. I think about it every single day. L...

:)

(What I think every time I say I’m “fine”)

(TW mention of Selfharm and su!c!de)

You know at this point I’m ready to give up.

Imagine a world where the time goes by extremely fast yet you’re anxious about the future. You don’t even realize it’s Sunday since you just got up right? Oh wait it’s actually Monday already?! Oh I slept in till 1 pm I suppose the day is practically over. What...

You think i need to go to the hospital? Am I really that bad. Am I so bad I’ll never amount to anything. How do you expect me to practice cello go to school do enough assignments to not get an f play orchestra music go to therapy every day and by then I won’t even have enough time or mental capacity to hangout with my friends. I can’t catch up anymore I’m done I’m tired and that’s all I’ll ever be...