Everything works on the outside, but on the inside nothing works right. The eyes are trained to see suns and moons, colors and shades, landscapes and beauty. But all I see is darkness. Rain. Black. Blood. Dull. Scars. Nothing is colorful. For me it is black and white and red. I don't see the beauty that others see. I see the beauty in the things that scare them. Everything was bright and then all the sudden darkness overcame. The ears hear the things that go on around us. A child laughing. A dog barking. A bird chirping. I used to hear those, and I still do. Yet the thing I hear is death. It will die. The child will die. The dog will die. The bird will die. I will die. The sound is music to my ears. My touch has become wild. I don't pay attention to the things that I touch everyday, but I think about the knife that I hold at night. The blade piercing into my skin. The blood dripping from my arm to the floor. This is my beauty. Pain touches me, and I embrace it. The one thing I taste is the pills that don't help. I swallow and swallow day after day just to make the doctors happy, but I taste nothing. Just the pills. My smell is the only thing that is still normal. But at the same time it isn't. When I'm at the ocean and smell the salt, I smell the way that I can drown. When I smell gas, I smell how I could drink it and be done. When I smell metal, I smell how I could put that through me. I obviously still have everything, but it's just altered.