When my mother gave birth

to me, I think she was confused.

I think she wanted something else,

but nothing felt right, so

she had another baby. And

I think when she yells at me,

she is confused. She thinks I

am all of her mistakes.

And she has no one else to blame,

so she blames her biggest one.

At night, when I feel sad,

and their handprints will not go away,

I think of the sun eating the night

and killing the darkness.

How hungry do you have to

be to kill?

The sun has killed more than just night.

People die from heat.

And I wonder if the sun can feel guilt

or if it knows it is not its fault.

When my mother gave birth to me,

something happened that altered

the way my brain functions.

I am always afraid and feeling.

It never stops.

I think I am responsible for all

the bad that happens to my family

because before I was born,

things were good.

Guilt does things to a person,

and I do not think you can have guilt

without anger,

and a very deep hunger, because

when you are guilty, sometimes you

do not know why. And when you do not

know, you curse and hit and beg

for answers. And

begging is the same thing as hungering.

I am hungry for something.

I do not know if it is forgiveness

(for what?)

happiness,

or death.

I talk to the sun more than

I talk to God,

because only one of them knows how

I feel.