Angry

Angry. 

That's all I've felt since that day.

Shaking

Earth Breaking

Painful

Angry

I was angry at the rocks that scraped my already bruised knees

I was angry at the horrendously bad tasting plants that were my only food

And most of all I was angry at the sea

The endless vast sea that rapped its glistening tendrils around my small island

The sea that kept me cut off from the world…

Or maybe myself

Angry at myself for the words said

Angry that, those words simple easy words were why I was here

Wish

Many people would wish to be alone

I liked to be in the thick of things

I longed for adventure and I got it 

With a price

Right now I would be one of the people to wish for others

Praying for company 

And maybe a sandwich 

Survive

The slugs stole my berries again 

They deprive me of food 

Albeit horrendous food

All the animals here fight to survive

I feel bad killing the mosquitos 

But I can't risk illness 

I washed their blood off of my hands at the pond

Again

Would they do the same

If I let them be?

Tomorrow I might die.

Tomorrow 

Tomorrow

The word that haunts my dreams 

The word promised by a friend

And now

6 months from the promised tomorrow

I'm still here

Still waiting for the tomorrow

 Eternity 

Eternity is another word

I do not use it lightly 

These 6 months have been a eternity 

An eternity of pain

That I deserve 

I’m still angry 

Irrational blaming anger

Irrational 

I've got only myself

And my irrationally stupid feelings 

Irrational 

All of this

If I just had stopped to think 

To not promise to another 

What they promised me

Safety 

Safety 

That’s what was promised

But now I sleep with the wolves

Safe is on a boat 

The boat that could only hold 3

Or so I was told 

The boat that left me 

The boat with people who promised to return

Promised me as it disappeared 

Lost

 They were lucky

Many were lost 

I was one

Lost to the sea

In the books at least

I wonder what my story became

More berries less thinking

Sand crunches under my feet

I cry out to complete silence

Ten

Ten bodies on the beach

10 lilacs

10 seagrass wreaths

60 feet dug

We mourn the lucky 

Voices

I sit by the sea

I wonder where they came from, 

The more lost an I 

I talked to myself out of fear and sorrow

A new voice 

Will hope return it asks

Hope

A berry bush

Overripe 

Sweet

Finally

Whale song and the sunset

My company,

Hope

Past

My hope a remnant

The past

A year now

Waterlogged they flout and I decide 

Destroyed  

The small alcove

As small as my hope 

As small as my boat 

I squint through the darkness and rain

A swirling mass approaches 

Wind 

clouds 

storm 

merge

Find shelter

No

No turning back

No boat

No reversing

Not really living

If only…

No hope

Rise

I gather berries at sunset 

None as sweet as before

I slip

Cool 

Crunchy

Sand

It splatters my face

Groping for my discarded berries 

Up

Sit up

And I see it

One

Only 1

Only 1 knows

The only 1 who was lost

Really lost

Only 1 could bring me hope

Adventure 

As a child

Young

And similar to now

Still adventurous 

I loved stories

Stories of adventure 

I am a story now

If only I had ink and paper

Once I was a pirate sailing seas

Now shipwrecked 

A note in a bottle

“Sincerely”

 an impossible name

Sincerely 

If hope had a name

If strength was words

“Sincerely

 your friend,

Lya”

P.S.

“P.S.

I 

Keep

Promises”