July 29. It’s been six weeks since I found out I had the newest strain of the “bird flu.” My doctor told me to quarantine and have my meals and supplies delivered. I know a lot of other people who’ve had to do the same. Mom and dad are safe at home. My sister, who travels a lot for work, decided she would stay home with the kids until this whole thing passes. But then her husband got sick and now he’s in the hospital. I know I should be more scared than I am. But I made it through the last one so… I don’t know. Trying to have faith right now. Basically, given up on the government having any kind of comprehensive response. They seem to have thrown in the towel before anything. I guess you can’t be defeated if you never tried to win. I can’t watch the news anymore. I had a cough for a few weeks, but it seems better now. Nobody knows if the strain is contagious once your symptoms have gone away. So I’m just holed up in my cramped apartment again. I open the window and lean out for some fresh air a couple times a day. But the air is stagnant, much too still. Nobody coming and going on the street. Just seems like everything is dead. I say all this just as an observation of where I am. How we got here, I don’t know. I know I’m not ready to give up yet. Every day just seems to be getting longer though. I just keep sleeping more and more. My throat still feels funny and sometimes it feels like my fingers and toes are swollen. I can’t explain it, but my skin gets creepy, crawling and itches a lot of the time, especially when I’m trying to sleep. I don’t know if I’m sweating too much or what but it kind of freaks me out. I asked David if he noticed anything like that, since he just got over his symptoms, a week or so ago. He said he hasn’t had much appetite, but also noticed his hands and feet felt achy and he also felt like he had a lump in his throat. No itching for him. At least not yet. Anyway that’s my entry for today. Time to eat some Ramen!

August 5. Not feeling great today. Woke up with a bloody nose. It looks like my toenails are trying to fall off or something. Instead of feeling hard, they’ve gotten really soft and started turning kind of a dark milky color. Same with my fingernails, but not as bad. My whole back itches like crazy. David said he noticed the same thing a day or two ago, and when he scratched his back, he started bleeding in places. Almost like his skin had gotten really thin. I looked down my throat in the mirror and the whole back of it Looks a funny white color, well pinkish white. I can still feel a lump somewhere deep down in my throat like I have food caught there that I can’t swallow. Sis says my brother-in-law is now on a respirator. God, I feel so bad for her and the kids. I think she’s gonna take them to mom and dad’s soon so she can be at the hospital. I would take them but still no news on how contagious this thing really is.

August 19. Things have gotten really bad. I broke out in some kind of hives all over my body. Instead of itching all the time I feel this prickly heat, and I’ve noticed these sharp feeling hairs poking out of my skin, especially on my back and the back of my legs. I can’t even sleep on them so I’ve been laying on my stomach to try to get some rest. Some kind of goiter has formed in my throat. You can see the lump from the outside now my fingernails and toenails have become really brittle and started basically disintegrating. I’ve got big bags under my eyes, and my lower teeth started feeling loose over the past couple days. I’m a mess. I haven’t been able to reach Dave for over a week. Mom says uncle Joel went to hospice. The kids are staying with her and dad now. Nothing on the news is making me feel any better. They’ve closed all the airports, trains, buses, and subways. States of emergency from Russia to Rwanda. I am fucking pissed at this response. Like didn’t we learn anything last time? I just can’t help a feel if we would only work together and trust the science we could get out of this or have avoided it all together. I’m gonna lie down again. No appetite. I feel my head spinning.

September 1. I can’t believe the news today. This thing has only been around not even three months and something like 40 million. People have already died. A lot of old people, but also a lot of kids. And almost every child comes down with some crazy form of chickenpox, or something like it. They’re inside just blow up like a balloon and they get these big pink pox that turn into pustules. None of the schools are opening up. They’re not even doing virtual classes because so many teachers have gotten sick. They’ve started closing down hospitals because they don’t have enough staff and there’s too many people clogging the system. The goiter in my throat is about three times the size it was Two weeks ago. Where are all my nails used to be? It’s just black puffy skin, like frostbite. All those nasty hairs kept growing longer and thicker, and somehow kind of bushy. My eyes look like they’re bulging and I’ve noticed some hair falling out on my head. My ears look blue. My teeth feel like they’re dissolving in my mouth. I keep having to sleep on my side. I woke up the other day, kneeling in the corner of my room with my forehead against the wall. I didn’t know where I was for a minute. What the fuck is happening to me? No word from Mom in several days. Still no word from David. When I try to watch TV or use my phone, I can’t concentrate much at all anymore. And my fingers just don’t seem to work right.

September 12. I can’t breathe right anymore. From my chin to my sternum, there is some sort of sack of fluid. Like the goiter got infected maybe? All my fingertips and toes look pointy to me and all I wanna do is scratch at everything with them. Several of my teeth have fallen out. My eyes are bulging like fucking Yosemite Sam. When I watch TV or try to fall asleep, the only comfortable way is to squat and crouch. I wind up on my haunches for half the day, but it feels more comfortable than trying to sit on my ass. I can’t lay down anymore at all now my whole back, back in my arms and legs and chest are full of those thick downy hairs now. Same with my beard – looks like cottony plumes. Almost half the hair on my head has fallen out. I can’t even look at my own eyes anymore. I just wanna die. I haven’t heard from anyone in days. Last thing I knew my mom was taken to the hospital with my nephew. I hope both of them didn’t get this. No word from my sister and Dave’s girlfriend sent me a text that he lost his voice and can’t move his arms or legs. What the fuck is this thing?

September 21. I don’t think I’m going to survive this. At least not as myself. I’m turning into something I can’t explain. So this might be my last entry for a while unless I can get better. There is no vaccine. Government has basically shut down. I do see some people in the streets now out my window, but I can’t tell what they are. Most of them are crouched down in corners, scratching and rooting around in the dirt. All I wanna do is gnaw and pick at my food. My body is covered in this strange thick plumage. My neck is basically gone. Just my head and shoulders connected as one piece. My hair is gone. My hands look like claws. My upper lip feels hard and pointy. I broke the mirror when I saw my face. I look like… a fucking monster. Like a …I can’t say it. Not sure if anyone I know is alive. I think anyone normal must be dead. No more news. No TV or radio. Lights and AC are off. I think I will leave the apartment today. No need to stay cooped up. Maybe just go out the window. See if I can fly…