Until today, my life was like a Misty path. A long and winding path that felt dark, unclear and hard to navigate. I had convinced myself that life was hard and that everything took great effort and was beyond me and my comprehension.

I was a relatively bright kid, but never felt confident in my abilities. I convinced myself that my dreams and goals were out of my reach. I didn’t know what other people did to find inspiration or passion for their lives. But I never felt completely confident and at peace in anything I did. I was certain I had something inside of me that was worthwhile and bigger than what I had experienced until then, but I just didn’t know what it was, or how to access it.

I would continue down that dark and foggy path and resist my life, and fight my life, and find so many distractions to keep me from the truth of who I really am.

I would find things to distract me and keep me from asking the hard questions in life. Like, who am I and why am I here? What do I have to offer to this world? and, why doesn’t it come easily to me? Why does life feel like a struggle at every turn some days? Why do I have a hard time staying focused and completing things that I start in my life? Where will I be in 20 years and will I like who I am when I arrive there?

I had experienced early pain and trauma in my life and believe that’s where the foundation of my struggle started. My Pain and struggle felt constant to me. At an early age. I discovered a way to escape my pain and I would pursue that type of escape for the next 45 years.

Along the way I would have major awakenings, breakthroughs and insights… But none of them added up to a purpose or a passion or a direction for my life. I would go through my days engaged in all of my daily responsibilities, but feeling unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and unclear as to what it was all for…

I would see successful people and wonder what they had that I didn’t. Were they special? Was I less than special? Did I not deserve to find peace and happiness and true fulfillment in this lifetime? How could I possibly access what was needed to live a happy, purposeful and fulfilled life? As I got into my teens and early 20s I developed a chip on my shoulder. I believe I thought life owed me and I needed to be a taker in order to get mine. My life was in constant survival mode day to day… Always striving, always feeling as if I came up short in some way.

I had been introduced to God and spirituality at a young age, but none of it resonated in my heart yet. So I continued on the Misty path with unclear vision and no focus of where the path was leading me. It wasn’t until life got extremely difficult in my 30s that I came face-to-face with myself and my struggles and challenges.

Things were so overwhelming that one night in the middle of the night I surrendered completely. I asked God for help… And he answered …..he showed me that I had it all wrong up until then.

Thank you God! My life changed forever that day.