Who could have guessed, who could have thought life could come to something so full and complete. Back then I certainly thought such a depth of happiness and fulfillment was only fiction found in movies or books. I’d written off love, accepted a lonely life and started to find some fulfillment and contentness in being a single man with no real career prospects. Nothing but my mind and soul to offer. Barely middle class, jumping from broken relationship to broken relationship. Constantly feeling like just a stepping stone in people’s lives til they’d eventually find their forever love. I was simply temporary.

The universe clearly didn’t like that and sent you to me, some cosmic force brought us back together. The one relationship from my past that ended decently, not without pain and sorrow, but simply for reasons beyond our control. A feeling compelled me to reach out to you that day. Some feeling, and so I did. Never expecting you to actually respond, I mean why would you? At that time in life I was so full of self doubt and feeling pathetic and sorry for myself, why would you? But you did and we started talking again, full and amazing conversations. Before I knew it I was carrying myself tall, smiling with genuine happiness and just extatic I could talk to you. You weren’t mine, you couldn’t have been then either. We simply became friends again, no romantic prospects from either of us either, just two people reconnecting and enjoying every moment of conversation we could have.

Then you visited me, you just so happened to be driving through town and we made plans to see each other in that moment. My stomach was a fluttering mess of nervous excitement anticipating you. Playing so many scenarios in my head on how this would go. Not expecting any romance, nothing to actually happen. But god was I giddy like a high schooler waiting for their prom date. A simple little outing to the Zoo. And you had my full attention, my excitement was embarrassing to a strong degree. To see your face again, standing before me. To hug you to me again after almost a decade. I’d have never guessed any person could have such an affect on me. Enamored in an instant, your looks, your voice, every part of your mind. The good, the bad, it was you and that’s all that could ever matter. At the time I’d have never thought you would ever be mine again, that you would even think that way about me again. And I was completey okay with that. as long as you were happy, as long as you were okay, that’s all I could want. Be that with or without me. We wandered the Zoo, spending time just getting lost at each enclosure. Getting lost catching up and talking. Laughing and losing track of time. I never wanted that day to end, but you had a long drive ahead of you and we had to part ways. A long hug followed by a kiss. And my heart melted, any remaining armor I had left fell off for good around you.

From then we talked all day every day, completely lost with all the stories and jokes. All of the mundane little things people could talk about. You had my attention entirely, I could never want to talk to anybody else, even if you weren’t mine. You lit up a flame inside me, gave me hope again. Made me feel and think good about myself again after years of self loathing. By just being you, no obsessive anything, just a wonderful person being good to me. Being your sweet self giving me hope in humanity again. Seeing a side of me I’d thought had long since died. You became a muse for my artsy side, in writing or drawing. You inspired every aspect of my life. All I could have ever hoped for was that I could provide the very same for you. Something you assured that I in fact did, that we seemed to be exactly what we both needed in life at just the right time when we’d given up on so much.

We made plans for you to visit again, you’d stay the night and we would just enjoy good company with my roommate and some friends. You were so extatic to come too, and those same nerves twisted my stomach in a mess of anticipation. “I’m here” you texted and my heart dropped. I raced for the door to come greet you at the front gate and guide you to my apartment, nearly tripping on my own feet and plummeting down the stairs. We hugged so tight in seeing each other after a fair amount of time since that first visit and waked towards my apartment. I introduced you to my roommate and his girlfriend at the time, a good friend from work and his girlfriend as well. Offered you a drink and we sat on our patio drinking the night away. Joking and talking, the night was full of laughter and palpable love. Before we knew it hours had passed and it was 2 am. My friends left and we all called it a night and we retired to my bedroom. I cannot find the words to describe the peace and comfort I had sleeping next to you, cuddling and sleeping. Easily the best sleep I’d have had in years that night. We slept in late just holding each other before you ultimately had to get ready and start that long drive home again. Parting ways was so hard but I knew very well you had a life to return to, the fairytale could only ever last so long. Distance was the harbinger to our break up all those years prior and it was still very much a factor then too.

You told your friends about me and they would tell you what obvious change in you they could see and sense. A radiant happiness, and a wonderfully easy to make fun of smile each time you read my texts. Facts that when you shared with me had my face beet red with a smile from ear to ear. Each of my friends could tell the very same positive change within me. And one morning while counting inventory at work I get a text from one of your best friends, he’d had asked you for my information to reach out to me directly and you agreed after you asked me yourself. He very excitedly introduced himself and let his excitement for what was blossoming between you and I show brightly. He was planning a surprise birthday for you and wanted me to be a guest of honor based solely on how much of a positive impact I’d have had on your life. I immediately agreed and so we started planning. I made something innocent and believable up for why he wanted to talk to me and before I know it that weekend was upon us.

My roommate joined me for the long drive to you, and to celebrate you. Unfortunately the surprise aspect of your party was leaked but we were coming and going to have a big party no matter what. We show up at your apartment and you guide us inside to get ready. We set our bags down and you and I embraced so tightly in your room, I could have stood there for hours in your arms. But we had a party to get to, we all piled into your car and away we went. Meeting all of your friends at once was jarring for certain, but they were your friends no matter what anxiety or nerves I faced heading there, by your side it all faded into nothingness. No worry could exist within me when I was there with you. We celebrated you and your smile lit the room brighter than any bulb could hope to achieve. I got lost just watching you, seeing you so happy and surrounded by all these people that love you. But we wrapped up there and had to rush back to your place to get ready for the club we had all planned to continue the party at later that evening. Seeing you in that club outfit made my heart stop, your beauty and elegance. You were perfection in my eyes since I’d seen you years prior, but in that moment I discovered that just how beautiful and amazing you were grew each time I saw you.

We danced the night away, you and I. Sweaty from the crowd but smiling like lunatics the whole night through. I’d never like clubs before, but again being with you made it all the better. All the more enjoyable. As the night came to an end and goodbyes were said to your friends we headed back to your place. Got into comfy clothes and got all cuddled up in bed. Again having some of the very best sleep I’d ever had we awoke to hold each other, then fell right back asleep. We’d do this at least twice more, just being lost in comfort and safety and peace. But the time came to get up and grab lunch together. We all went out for food, continently just down the street from your apartment, and enjoyed a lovely meal together. On the walk back you held my hand and I could feel that unending smile coat my face more each time I was near you. However knowing we’d be parting ways again shortly after returning to your apartment filled me with such a strong urge to just get lost together to have as much time with you as possible. But soon we were back inside your apartment and after packing my bag up I stood in your room, staring at you. I couldn’t help but to ask if you were ready to give us another chance and you hugged me shyly and said yes. Three letters, one word. Changed my life that day, beyond how you’d had impacted my everyday since we reconnected. My life became our lives intertwined in the most beautiful way.

Our adventures have felt everyday, from going out and finding new and exciting things to do together. To just staying in doing laundry together. It all feels that same level of happiness and magic I’d only ever thought possible in films. You are all I could ever want in life, you complete me in ways I never knew I wanted or needed. The Tyree little words could never do justice to exactly how I feel, but my vocabulary simply cannot find the proper ways to express how I feel. So in the most potent and raw and wonderful ways. I love you.