Sunday morning,gloomy as always.Its like the world saying “I have sympathy for you” well I need empathy right now.At this point cancer is easier to cure than my depression..funny right? No? At least I tried.

Sometimes I wonder if my loneliness is the reason to all my problems,it might be the reason I feel like I rather go to hell than go to-work ….(whats The difference anyway..?oh yeh..!Hell is way better)

Short after my alarm clock went off..depressing right?!

Finally got out of the door without thinking I left the stove on or forgot my keys or to feed my cat!..I don’t even have a cat!( delusional right!?)

Usual at work,kept smiling to all my coworkers,boss and gave my last £20 to the janitor..at least I get my salary today!

It honestly hurts when people give me compliments because the things I get compliments on are FAKE,they always say “aww your so happy and supportive all the time wish I could be that happy”

Well don’t be-I’m not,at this point I’m sadder than Joe-who is gonna get fired…..oh there he is now-smiling?! See what I mean?

Home is the place you go to get away from work or school but work or school again is the place you go to get away from home-it’s a never ending paradox at this point *sigh*

I mean just look at the clouds there soo……carefree…people don’t judge clouds and tell them to drop a few calories they can be tabby as much as they want-and people actually like fluffier clouds…lucky! They just flote around with absolutely NO care and disappear whenever they want…

The world won’t let me but….one day I just want to be able to call myself..happy I want those compliments to come true when they say”I think I just met the happiest person in the world” I just want that to come true..

Everything changed one day…..

Just as I was crossing the road a car came first me in that moment I really thought this was the end…. just then someone tried to pull me away……but my heels were stuck on a hole…I tried to pull myself out but it didn’t budge…..

The last thing I heard was a ambulance siren

I woke up to the sight of several doctors I green dresses? Robes?and I had a piercing pain in my upper back and neck, then I realised what had happened……

The doctors said I would be able to do home in about 2 days but to take it slow.I had a lovely chat with this one nurse called Joana.she said that this guy sort of saved my life that was in room 22 and I could pay a visit if I want since it’s the room next door…..not a second passed before she was called to room number 22 and the situation seemed crucial

I hurried to the next room and there he was looking like an angel (no literally like an angel witg the morning sun casting at his face,red lips blond hair

What I heard next horrified…….

He is not going to survive the night….

Nor the morning

Or the next hour…..

He was down to his last breath….

Then he saw me..smiled and said.. “your ok?”

I faintly whispered yes his grin widened “good” he replied

That was his final word before he took his last breath smiling…..

He died smiling…..

But why

Who was he….

And why was he so familiar……

I walked out of the hospital stunned by what just happened…..

But then I realised…….

He was my child hood best friend….

Same name…..

Appearance…..

Personality…….

And I remembered something he said on TGE last day I saw him as a kid….

“You know I would risk my life to make you happy, so don’t cry…we will meet one day and I will make sure of it before I die…”

I broke down crying……

I need to be happy for him…

I need to

And I was…

After that I saw the world differently….