When the reporter asked me what inspired me to write my first number one single I thought back to the night when I realized I liked you and the time we spent together from that night forward. All of these memories came flooding into my mind like a dam had just burst. I thought about the first time we kissed, the first time we said I love you and the last time we ever spoke. Some of my favorite memories were when we would just talk for what felt like hours. Those were also some of my least favorite memories.

“Can we talk about something?” she asked nervously.

“Of course. What’s up?”

“We should talk about what we’re going to do when you leave for school”

I was confused. I thought we had already discussed this. We were going to stay together. It didn’t matter that I was going to college. I would still come back to her. I always would.

“I thought we talked about it and we were going to stay together” I replied

“I know but and I want to be with you.”

“So be with me then”

“I want to be with you it’s just complicated. You’re leaving and I’m gonna be here” she said shakily

I didn’t understand why this was an issue. We had already talked. What had changed in the past week? As I was looking at my girlfriend I could see anxiety rising in her face.

“Hey it’s gonna be I love you. You know that”

Tears start to roll down her face. I still dont understand. As she continues to cry I just tell her “I love you” a few more times. This just brings more tears. There’s nothing I can do. As she’s crying I’m wondering if I should be crying too. This isn’t the end of us. It couldn’t be.

It wasn’t the end of us but it was the beginning of the end.

We broke up a few weeks later and from that point on I had fallen into a depression. I had lost my reason for happiness. It had felt like I fell off edge of the world. I was numb.

As I think about how to respond to the reporter, it comes to me.

“Well I had a girlfriend and I guess this song was inspired by her. Writing this song helped me through a tough time when I thought I would never be happy again. I’m really glad I was wrong about that” I chuckle nervously and so does the audience (thank god)

I continue, “I’m working on an album and she’s the inspiration for most of the songs so if you guys liked this one I hope you like my new album”

Another reporter raises her hand. I can’t see her face but I can tell it’s a woman.

“Is the album all sad or what is the main message that you want listeners to know? And how are you doing now?”

I look in her direction and I tell her “This album is kind of an outlet for everything I was feeling during the grieving process. She was my first love. It has some happy songs about reminiscing and moving on but there are some songs that might make your eyes water. As of right now I’m doing great. She’s always going to be a person that has influenced me and I think there is some good in that. I am different now than I was back then but I learned things about myself because of her and i appreciate it. So, my muse, if you’re out there listening, thank you for being an experience that caused me to grow.”

The room erupted in applause and I just sat there awkwardly. Even though we haven’t spoken in years, I wonder what she thinks of my song. I wonder if she knows it’s about her. I wonder if she’s listening, and if she is listening, would she even care.

I get off the stage and go to my dressing room. Almost on command my phone buzzes from a number I don’t have saved.

“I heard everything. Can we talk?”