I was free

I was finally free

Free from the expectations, from being criticized, from the weight of my thoughts. It was the first time ever that I didn’t feel any of those things. It was a miracle, a thing I never thought I’d experience.

It was the first time I’ve felt truly free.

It felt like the weight has finally been lifted off my shoulders, like I managed to find something that made me happy, like I found a piece of me that took me my whole life for me to discover.

I wanted to feel this forever, for it to be my only feeling, to bask in the glory of this peace for as long as I possibly could. It was wonderful, a gift for the burdens I’ve carried all this time-

My thoughts were cut off by the sound of the organ playing across the field and the sound of sobs, loud yet impactful together.

To me, this was a day of joy, but I guess the same couldn’t be said about everyone else attending. I watched around as black mascara streamed down all the women’s faces and even the men were trying to hold back tears.

Especially my mom and dad’s, who were crying the most, their noise drowning out everyone else’s, like they were trying to prove they were the most crushed by this death.

I walked over to the coffin, white rose in hand, and stared down at the body, stared at my own face in that coffin. I could see the smallest smile on my decaying face, which was a little wet from the tears of everyone that went to it. I didn’t care though, as long as I was free, like the doves being released from their cages at this very moment.

May I forever rest in this peace