Running. That’s all I remember, not the pain, not even my own breathing. The numb feeling in my chest, I still felt every heart beat ripping through my chest, the burning sensation of the cold air ripping through my lungs, I have been sprinting for what felt like hours. my body trying so hard to keep itself warm. I didn’t know what or who it was but I didn’t look back to find out the source behind the steps that echoed behind me. branches breaking beneath my feet threw me off balence multiple times. Every time I almost tripped It would close the distance so fast my mind shutting off but my body still working as hard as ever. The sound of heavy stomping was 5 feet behind me, I felt it roughly caressing my back with it’s fingers, as if it was trying to tell me something I never wanted to hear. Yet the touch was too gentle. It was toying with me, haunting me. Chasing just for sport, feeding off my screams and blood I leave behind. And then, everything went quiet, time felt as if it slowed itself down just to humiliate my fall. In that moments, I knew it was over. I was immediately rushed, stomped on, my limbs on fire from my body giving up. My legs were numb from the cor stand pounding of my feet against the ground, how long have I been running? I don’t know.

Finnaly, the hell has stopped, I only found myself trembling in my covers, sweat beads down my forehead as I sit up up in utter silence.

I sighed heavily, and ripped my covers off myself violently.

It was every night that I’d have such nightmares, started about 5 months ago, I’m afraid to go to sleep every night because it gets worse the longer I sleep. The longer I sleep the more tired I become, the slower I run, the more I drag feet, the more I think to just give up and let the nightmare consume me in my sleep.

But here’s the thing, It just feels so real. The heaviness of the situation, the thoughts are real, the energy is real, the pain, the sounds, just like if it happens in real life.

I can’t handle it anymore, I never want to look back, ever. My body takes me away, I run as if I’m not even controlling my own body, yet I let it, I don’t refuse or resist when my legs are pumped two fold with blood, my heart having to work twice more than it ever would want to. I feel every vein light fire in my body when I run. I want it to stop more than anything.

I get up from my bed after trying to repress it everything.

I was already late for school as I looked at the clock, I was already late so I never bothered to rush it. In the end, being late once doesn’t matter much at all. I just went downstairs to my empty living room, I will never get used to the silence. gathered all of my stuff, took a snack and left. I kissed my framed family goodbye.

I leave for school and arrive 12 minutes late.

Boring same old teachings, homework, and more homework, if mother was still here it wouldn’t be a problem, but now I just don’t have the motivation to do anything, it’s an endless cycle of worse comes to worst, every day, and it’s not like I can sleep it off. I really am pathetic.

School felt shorter than ever, It’s really stupid how life just wants me to go to sleep early, by making my days feel shorter. I have to find something to do for at least another 3 hours before I’m ever willing to lay down. Nights are the most haunting thing.

I decide to watch a couple movies and cook for a bit, recipes made by my mom that were always made by dad. Cooking was always so fun when it was noisy with the voices of my family raising their tones in the background playing video games together, that or board games, which usualy got louder than the games.

The food was good, no as well made by my mother but it did its job at satisfying my angry stomach.

The warm food put me in my drowsy state, almsot fell asleep on my way to my own bed, as soon as I open my bedroom door, I pass out, and the first thing is see, truly frightened me.

It was my mother, looking back and smiling, sitting on the same bench, the same book in her hands, the vivid memory of that park, It was my favorite.

I wanted go walk towards her, go back, tell her I loved her and hug her. I missed her, but I couldn’t.

(More to come, Sleep is calls)