I wanted him so bad.

So why couldn’t I have him?

Dammit!

I just wanted him to be mine.

My eyes stared at him the bottom of the bleachers as he spoke to her, his brown eyes shutting closed as he laughed, his perfect teeth shining through the small space in his mouth.

He was so gorgeous, everything about him. The way his hat stayed still to his head when he leaned back, how his blue jeans looked like they truly were made just for him.

But, I knew he’d never see me the way I’d seen him.

The small bits of conversation we’d had weren’t even the kind I’d hoped for, not even a little bit.

And then he’d go ahead and shove past me, like he wasn’t just walking down the track walkway with me, or letting me comfort him.

His TikTok was mostly covered with things about his ex or his ‘weight.’ But I didn’t notice it. I thought he was perfect.

But I was still angry with him.

For being so blind about my feelings.

I’d given him everything, my eyes, thoughts, and heart was wrapped around him.

So why was it so hard to let go.

I wasn’t supposed to know this feeling, I was supposed to be me, normally, without the way this was.

But I wanted him, so, so bad.

I wanted him just simply for love.

Ever since my eys came across him at kindergarten I haven’t been able to accept the fact that I liked him.

I did.

Even if just for approval, I loved him.

I was obsessed with him, but I couldn’t confess.

I was one of those wannabe cool girls.

So how could I bother thinking that we’d be able to go with one another. It was stupid of me really.

Because why would he bother with me?

I wasn’t nearly as gorgeous as his ex’s, and I had such a problem with trying to be kinder.

It was on my nature to just… tease people back.

And it seemed rude and I felt wrong.

I wanted to change I did. But I just can’t.

I’m so messed up over him and I’m not even allowed to love him.

(Based off of irl💕)