Honestly, I was numb. It was- easy, to give into repetition. It was easy to follow the process, it was easy to be a perfect daughter and have a bright future. So long as I ignored myself, I abused myself before anyone else could. I was soft, until I focused. I was sweet, until I turned cold. I was perfect, until I wanted to crack. I was predictable, until I wasn’t.

My eyes were drawn to the ground, my mind reeling with daydreams and plans. I could never escape my boundaries. I was tethered to my mind rather than my heart. I felt myself cracking, cracking through the shell of a person I created just to get through childhood. I kept myself focused on the concrete until I saw my father’s car, my mother’s garden. Muscle memory pulled me into the driveway, but I had already left that body.

I stepped away, farther and farther. I had some money, and friends who could help me. I should have loved my family, but I was distant. I should have cared about grades, but this education system would’ve fail me. I should’ve known that laws could hold me back, but society was only a construct. And the person I was, was designed by the people around me. I stopped when I reached the subway, I waited until the last stop and never looked back. I’m sorry, but that girl was about to die either way.