Maybe I am the problem.

My mind is like poison,

Infecting my soul.

Having the time of my life until my thoughts make me stop and overthink every little detail of what went wrong in my life!

Everything I said and everything I did,

When will this cycle end…

It took everything inside of me just to feel okay again,

But the truth is.. it’s never going to end!

Distraction after distraction,

I can’t be alone as that’s when my thoughts seem to wonder.

Most days I feel invisible,

I feel like I help others and forget about myself,

Only to loose the ones I loved the most

Friends,

Family or whatever it may be,

The truth is nobody stays,

But everybody leaves.

Is it me? Am I the problem?

Day by day I push people away,

So I can’t get hurt if I leave first,

With that being said it hurts no less,

So being alone maybe for the best.

So here I am at the depth of my mental illness,

Lashing out and causing people pain,

I know I am a problem,

Maybe even unfixable but my thoughts don’t seem to stop,

They don’t make sense but here we go.

I’m scared to live,

I’m scared to die,

I’m scared to gain weight,

I’m scared I won’t make it out alive.

No matter what I do, I feel like I’m drowning,

With a weight tied to my foot,

Unable to swim up,

Everyone hates you.

There’s something wrong with you.

You shouldn’t have ate today.

My mind won’t stop,

Screaming silently but no one can hear,

My heart says..

What are we doing? Why are we this way?

While my head throws negative thoughts and emotions my way.

It feels like a never ending war and I’m the prisoner to my own mind,

Attempting to escape somehow,

Maybe I am the problem this time.