I wish I had never let go

but really I wish I never held on

you were the bane of my existence yet the reason I stay breathing

letting you go meant setting you free

though now I know it hurt you more than it did me.

I turned you into me, the one thing you hated most…

until you didn’t

you loved me

maybe too much and that’s why I broke the chain

I was scared of the retaliation once you realized all the pain

it was never intentional it’s just how I was raised

I’m sorry we met

but I’m not

I’m not sorry for the laughs and tears of joy

but I deeply regret the way we played with each other’s heart as if they were toys

I wish I never let go

but I didn’t have a choice

the blood on my hands as proof

I could’ve sworn you smiled at me as they lowered your casket

maybe it was the guilt

now I think of you at night wrapped in your favorite quilt.