“In some ways, it was nice to be the one leaving, instead of the one being left.” I told Hunter who I last saw last year, with tears streaming from his eyes so different from the man who was always confident and assured of himself.

In the name of closure and advice from my therapist, I contacted him to talk about what happened to move on.

We were together on and off for 5 years, it’s not easy to pretend like he didn’t have an effect on me. Like anyone else could ever compare.

Hunter had a way of ruining me like that.

He stirred his iced coffee, avoiding my eyes. “When were you ever the one being left?”

I remembered 3 years ago when he was packing his bags for an internship opportunity at Italy saying it was once in a life time and he had to go grab it. He said he’d call often. That this was just a temporary break. 3 months later he was back sunkissed and broke, crashing into my couch and stupidly on my part, onto my bed.

It was an awful cycle. He’d go do his own thing not even explaining to me. Then he’d come back, make me pity him and make me love him cause he was charming like that. I don’t even have to wonder about how many women he’s been with during those odd seasons he was away for opportunities or self searching. It showed every time he had a new accent or found a new interest like sculpting. A sexy hobby he’d call it.

My relationship with him always left me with a feeling as if my heart was being pulled down and up again. It was down when he wasn’t around. What was wrong with me for him to leave so suddenly? So easily. It gradually came back once he returned unsuccessful in his personal pursuits, nothing to show except a ratty bag and sob story. The way he’d beg and make sure to cater to me as if my satisfaction was enough of a sign of forgiveness for what he did to me over and over.

It sucks to be in love with a man who knows you too well.

I grabbed his iced coffee and drank it. He hasn’t changed even after a year of me not in his life. He picked the cheapest thing on the menu and was freezing in the air conditioned cafe in his tank top and shorts combo.

Seeing his shocked reaction I put the iced coffee down. “Don’t worry, I’ll pay. I was the one who called you over here.”

“I’ll always come to you, whenever you need me.” He made a grab for my hands to which I quickly pulled out. His blue eyes shown momentary hurt.

“You don’t have to charm me anymore, Hunter. I’m not getting back together with you.” Ever, I almost added. Didn’t want to sound too mean.

He ran his hands through his hair. “Figured as much. Our break up was too messy to come back from anyways.”

“How is Analiese? And Kirstin?” I asked pettily.

The last straw for me was discovering he was planning to simultaneously cheat on me with 2 women. First was with a random girl on an app with massive lips. Next was a girl he met in Italy who was inviting him for a fun trip. He didn’t have any money to do so.

Then all the pieces came together as I saw him attempt to make a T shirt business with me as an investor. The future I saw was not good so we kept arguing. He’d tell me I didn’t believe in him then I would interject asking for proof he was actually going to sell something other than to his friends.

That night I packed my bags. Hunter was there as I left. We fought so hard police were called. I had to leave.

Hunter froze. He knew he was guilty.

I pressed my lips together. What the hell did I expect from this free loader who took advantage of me for years.

“I’ll just go and pay now. Wish you the best.” Try not to string anyone along like me ever again, I almost added but therapy taught me I often chose to keep the peace rather than create drama.

Grabbing my bag, I stood up with Hunter saying his last words that really cemented why he was so hard to move on from.

“You’re amazing, Debs. Don’t fall for guys like me again. I’ll stay away. I’m sorry.”