Outside

I woke up to hear knocking on the glass. At first i thought it was coming from the window, then i realized it was coming from the mirror. How could there be a knock at the mirror? Am i hearing things? It’s early morning no one is home, i’m just waking up. I get out of bed and walk to the mirror above my makeup vanity. As if i hadn’t already knew there was nothing there, but her. Seeing myself in the mirror was more of a horror than anything else i was afraid of in the moment. Looking at myself made me sick always displeased with the image reflected back at me. As if the mirror is just a reminder of the flaws. I see the hair that is misplaced, the weight that is generously added to my body, the face that is too normal to stand out to anyone. I’m not the type of person who can just glance in a mirror and walk out, i anazlye to the point of obsession. The vision i see in the mirror isn’t worthy of anything, much less appreciation. I want to walk away from the mirror, but for some reason i feel stuck. I’m okay with the discomfort of being displeased it almost makes me feel safe.

Inside

I try to knock to get your attention to get u infront of me to show you the real you. You always look at me with such disgust but i look back in awe. Your face never seems settled looking at me puzzled as if something is wrong. I look back at you angered as to how you can’t see me in here. You tell yourself you aren’t perfect but i find beauty in everything you cant see,but how can’t you see me. The misplaced hair we share i slip back behind your ear, showing you the face you call normal. I don’t see normal when i look back i see beauty. The weight you so much hate i look at as gift, for creating another life. The eyes you are looking at me at are the same eyes i share, but so distant. You don’t allow yourself to see with your eyes, but your brain. You can’t see what i see because you are too much inside of your head. We can’t share the same thoughts because you won’t let me win. We share absolutely everything but our opinions. Come into the mirror and meet me i promise im nice. Look at yourself from a different point of view. Let yourself in, give in, believe in yourself. Just come in. You live on the outside but i’m trapped in the inside. The inside you are too afraid to find. I love you but you won’t allow me to grab you, to show you a safe space. You let self pity and discouragment swallow you, but i try to spit it out. The things you make so hard like self love i want to make easy. Reach in and grab my hand pull me out and let me love you. Let me love us. The girl in the mirror.