WRITING OBSTACLE

Describe a character's physical appearance through the eyes of someone who feels intense jealousy for them.

How accurate would the description be when tainted by strong emotion?

Jealousy Prompt

I gave up on this book a while ago but the opening scene fits the prompt pretty well, any critique would be appreciated.


Abby entered the school in a tight shirt and black mini skirt. Her maroon boots matched her lipstick. She walked the crowded halls, her new schedule in her delicate hands with painted black nails sharply contrasting her lightly tanned skin. Her ebony hair shined past her shoulders where they ended in a slight wave. Her hair was streaked with highlights to match with the other ‘popular’ girls. Her bag hung on her low, relaxed shoulders and her hips slighted each side as she walked forward. A junior, Matthew, locked eyes with her for several seconds as she walked toward Rose and Andy. Rose was her best friend since sixth grade and Andy was Rose’s sophomore boyfriend who got together with her over the summer.

“He-ey!” Abby called as she fake jogged over to Rose.

“Hey girl! First day of highschool!” She practically squealed as Abby did, but you could hear the annoyance and sarcasm in her voice slightly. She hated fitting in but knew it only as a necessity. Rose smiled at her best friend, her bright teeth gleaming through her glossy chocolate lips. Her deep skin was smooth and matte, carved over her jawline and melted into a cool expression by her cat shaped eyelids smoothed over her light brown eyes. Her cheeks were a perfect blush and her makeup, perfect. Her highlights struck through her dark, brown, straightened hair.

Abby smiled back, but her stomach turned with envy. Rose was the most beautiful person she had ever known, she could also get whatever she wanted with a snap of her fingers which was aided by her humble genius. To Abby, Rose was perfect. It was why she loved her, but Rose had always been the root of her jealousy.

“What’s up Abby,” Andy nodded to Abby, hands shoved into his pockets carelessly.

Abby rolled her eyes. “I know!” she squealed. “Freshmen, finally,” she said, her body language severely over-dramatised. Rose’s smile faltered for a second with annoyance, she had felt that this ‘popular’ act would have been left behind with middle school. 

“Okay, go set up and find your classes,” Rose said sweetly.

“Okay, by-ee!” Abby called as she walked away, her stomach turning and throat burning with bile.

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