“I’ll have a double of— you got Jack honey?” With so much charisma, a smirk is painted on your face. It’s something you do when you want to distract someone from your problems: a charismatic smile, a crude joke, and an infectious laugh. My body tenses; I know what happens next, like a movie I’ve seen before. I take a sip of my Bloody Mary.

“Uh, yeah, I’m sure we do.” The waitress hesitates, caught off guard by the request, “I’ll go ahead and put that in for you.”

“Chris, it’s only 11 o’clock, can’t we just stick with the Bloody Marys?” The words left my mouth within a breath, and in the next, I was clawing them back.

“Why do you always have to do that? We’re having a good time, can’t you just chill?” Your words cut into me, like warning shots.

_Well, I wouldn’t have to if you were just normal. If only you could spend this time with me for my birthday, and not make it into a binge. _I stood up for myself, even if no one else heard it; I still did it. That has to count.

“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to upset you. Have fun, you deserve it.” A weak smile crosses my face, and I reach for your hand. You are too busy focusing on the double that just arrived at the table.

Time passed, and we continued to order more drinks. You, to satisfy a hunger that will never cease, and I to numb a pain I cannot escape.

Once my debit card hits its limit, I do my best to salvage the rest of my day; it is my birthday after all.

“Come on! We can get that fresh bread and cold-pressed oil you love so much!” I beg while you roll your eyes. A sign escapes your lips, but I don’t give in this time. Not today.

“Chris, please? It’s my birthday…” Pulling out all the stops, puppy dog eyes, darling smile, and a quick kiss on the cheek, I plead for this _one _thing. Your eyes shift back and forth from mine to the car. You’re uncomfortable and want to be anywhere but here, but you reluctantly let out a huff before replying.

“Fine, only if you give me a present tonight.” A predatory wink crosses your eyes. I send you a smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. I know what you mean. I always do. And still, I stay.