My heart shattered as the chaos around me unfolded. My mother in such shock as she made the call. The call that would break everyone. Listening as my brother dropped to his knees sobbing. Listening to the disbelief in my sisters voice knowing her special connection is gone. my other sister trying to console everyone so she wouldn’t have to face the fact she’s the one who found his body that she’s the one who had to tell my mom. My heart shattered as the paramedics said he died that morning. That he had been upstairs for hours. That he had died alone. My heart shattered as I don’t remember telling him I loved him or even saying goodnight. My hear shattered as I curse myself for going to sleep early that night. Wasting hours I could have spent telling you how much I love and cherish you. My heart shattered as we put his casket in the ground. My heart shattered as I watched the self destructive tendencies start to consume my family. The practiced mask of grief. Everybody trying to ignore the fact you’re not here anymore. A brother, father, friend, son, lost to an urge you couldn’t control. my shattered heart seeing everyone move on while I’m still stuck as if it’s the first day you died. You died with so much left to give to the world.

(i know this isnt technically leaving but its what i precived as leaving personally)