Tears stream down my full cheeks. My eyes are red in the reflection of the clear ocean, the sun setting just below the horizon. It tinted the skies in hues of oranges and yellows and pinks.

But I couldn’t focus on the extravagant sight when the person I loved most was leaving me, for college.

Her feet dig into the wet sand, the waves crashing against her calves as I stand ten feet away. She’s staring at me, tears gathering in her eyes but I can’t force myself to move for I knew our last hug meant goodbye forever.

“Only a call away!” She shouts through the distance, making tears overflow. They spill down onto the sand. I wasn’t ready to leave her, it hadn’t hit me yet that she was an adult until I was on the plane ride to Hawai’i. I was proud of her for getting accepted into college here, she planned to go to medical school.

But, does that mean she will forget me? Grow a new life and a new family that isn’t me? She will have a good husband, many kids, but what about me? I’m still her younger sister. Her bestfriend.

Will she forget all our unfinished TV shows? Will she forget all the times we laughed until we were hitting each other silently? Will she forget how she was there for me when our parents would never stop yelling at one another? Will she call? Will she text? Will she be okay?

It was a constant flow of questions that I felt would never get answered. I wasn’t ready to leave her. I was 9 and she was 12 and even then, it felt so close to her leaving me—she seemed so old to me. But now, when I am 15 and she is 18, it hits me like a bullet to my chest. I didn’t have a vest to protect me.

I run up to her, collapsing my body with hers, arms around her neck. I sob into her, inhaling her passion fruit and lychee scent. I’ll miss it. I’ll miss her not being just down the hall. I’ll miss eating breakfast and watching our shows together with her. I’ll have no one. No one that understands me. My mother is always with my father—who I truly dislike. And my brothers are… not her. They’re only 9-years-old.

It felt so far away to me but the day is finally here and I wasn’t ready. If I had a genie, I’d make the wish to pause time. To live with her. To keep her here forever. How will I navigate Sophmore year? I’m not ready to be the new girl again without her.

“Only a call away.” She whispers into my hair. The sun sets so far below until the moon makes its appearance and I lose track of time until I hope our flight gets delayed, I hope something happens to it as badly as it sounds.

I don’t want to leave. What will I do without her?