I imagine this rigid white bed, in a white room and there’s feathers all around. My eyes are open but I can’t see... Clouded?

I’m reaching out for help, but no one is there... I’m yelling out voices but no sound is coming of it.

I’m feeling around for you, but it’s just me. I yell my own name and everything stops. All of a sudden there is a calm that comes over me.

The bed feels warm, it wraps me like a hug I’d been waiting for. I feel my arms tight around me and the hair raises on my body. My eyes can’t close. Euphoria takes over and I’m engulfed in white.

I curl up a corner, with my knees embracing my chest and I lay my head to the side and repeat a mantra... “In the end it’s just me...”

Slowly I rock, smile ripped across my face, an eternal embrace, “In the end it’s just me...”

I clear my mind... I begin to wonder if you were ever really there.

I clear my mind... I begin to ponder if you were ever really mine.

I clear my mind... I begin to realize that I’ve seen this play out time after time.

I clear my mind... I begin to internalize my mantra.

And somehow... I begin to still pray, hope, expect you to be there... knowing that, “In the end it’s only me.”