‘I understand the words now’. He says these words and turns to look at us all, then he shakes his head. ‘But the mentality of these humans is a mystery’.

There is silence as the Professor steps forward his green fingers pointing to the strange squiggles on the screen.

‘It seems like a list of foodstuffs - eggs, cream, butter, sugar and flour - but what they do with them - well it is just incredible.

Listen’ he says and the whole room is silent, waiting.

‘Take the butter and beat it’ there is a gasp as we look at each other.

‘It gets worse’ he says.

‘Combine the butter and the sugar. Whisk the eggs and sieve the flour. Mix together and bake in an oven’ we look at each other it doesn’t sound that bad.

He sucks his teeth and we know the bad bit is coming next. ‘Whip the cream’.

‘Seriously it actually says that - whip the cream. What sort of barbarians treat their food this way?’

‘In my view it would be seriously unwise to visit Earth if this is how they treat their food it must be one of the most hostile planets in the Universe.’

And with that he entered the words EARTH - BEST AVOIDED.