"I was in our room playing video games while you were watching a movie with her in the living room. You don't see anything wrong with that?" Steven asked me.

"Steven, it's like three in the morning, can we revisit this tomorrow?" is apparently not the right way to answer that question because suddenly, he got out of bed, left his phone, took something to smoke on, and took my car keys and left the house without saying a word.

Leaving his phone feels so manipulative and taking my car keys without asking seems so disrespectful but his mentality with marriage is that if it's mine, it's his and he doesn't need to ask me for permission to use my things. I once thought the world and more of this man but as of lately, being away from him made me feel safer emotionally.

After about an hour of me pacing the floor of a dark room, he comes back through the door.

"I knew it was a mistake opening up our marriage." was the last thing he said before my world changed.

Steven gets up at 5 in the morning most days to get to his construction job. Usually I sleep until he leaves, then I go upstairs to Hannah's room to finish sleeping with her. Today is different though. There is no hiding anymore that if I had to choose between them, it would be her. That's the beauty of being polyamorous though. You don't have to choose between people; you can freely love whoever. I forget though that some people want to be chosen. I have to respect that he is one of those people.

Steven turned to me at some point while he was getting ready and shocked me with what came out of his mouth, "How I handled that conversation last night was wrong and I'm sorry. I was inconsiderate."

"Thank you. I should have validated your feelings before asking to put a pin in it so I'm sorry too. I think you have been wound up tight lately. Maybe doing something for yourself would be good for you." I replied.

"I think some time away would be good for me. I am going to stay in a hotel for a couple of nights."

I continue to stare at the ceiling while he gets ready, contemplating if I am more shocked or at ease that he wants that. He kisses me on the forehead, puts some clothes in a bag, and heads out the door, not knowing when we would see each other again.

The next day or so felt quiet, almost like a peaceful vacation. Hannah and I were doing good, and our roommates were supportive of Steven being gone for a while. For a second, I felt like I was going to be okay if he decided to not come back but then I started noticing the all the things he did for us. From having to go take our actual dumpster to the landfill because we forgot that Steven always took it out to the curb to getting my oil changed, all the small things he did felt like such huge obstacles for me because he wasn't there.

A couple of weeks have passed now. I miss him. I don't think he's coming back but at this point, I know he is not the same guy I met a few years ago before getting married. He was right. I would never trade my relationship with Hannah for the world at this point, but opening up our marriage completely changed things, and I think him seeing me fall in love with someone else devastated him. It feels as if it's my fault he ended up hurt and mad at the world... mad at me.

"Hey stranger." I heard from behind me as I walk to the front of my retail job. There he was. Standing there in his dirty work clothes, tracking dirt and stinking up the place but that didn't matter in this moment.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Settling things before they get ugly"

Later that night, I pulled up to the house still without my husband. Hannah comes out the door after a painful phone call with her on my way home from work and takes my bag, holds my hand, and walks me inside. We sit down on the couch, she hugs me, and while my head is spinning with sadness, regret, and self-judgement, I couldn't help but feel relieved at the same time.