Deep in the heart of the city, that's where you can find me. I prefer the noises in the city because it drowns out my thoughts, feelings, and my past. When I first came here, it was to get away from the rugged family life.

I moved as far away as I could from my past, but no matter how loud the car horns blared, no matter how many times I would shove in my music or even just let the thousands of indistinct chattering voices invade my thoughts, I couldn't hide the visible scars.

I had always been quiet. I wanted to slip past the crevices of this world and the next and just live in that world, the world where no one could reach me.

And so you may be wondering why I chose the city. You can ask me why I'm not living on a farmland or isolated high in the mountains, but the answer lies deep inside of me.

Although the solitude would be nice, the quiet would make me remember.

I needed the noise to block out the same noisy dysfunctional life at home. I had fled there halfway through eighteen, and traveled to the loudest place possible.

Still, I sometimes couldn't forget.

Sometimes my mind would blare too loud, and all I could hear was the yelling and screaming. All I could here was the clanging of metal pots, the shattering of glass bottles as they hit the tile floor.

All I could hear was her cries, and his curse words and the back door that slammed so hard it fell from its hinges. He never came through that door again.

I remembered her packing the car and driving away without us. My older sisters had thought she would return, but when she never did, they all disappeared soon thereafter.

The house was too quiet.

I stayed there for three more years on my own, and to this day, still didn't know how. Once I left, it was because the old mutt had died, the mutt everyone else had left behind.

To me, I was like the mutt. They had left me behind. But with him gone and buried, I knew there was nothing left for me now.

I stayed in the outskirts of the city for a few months until I realized it wasn't loud enough, and I found the cheapest apartment to move into, deep in the center of the restless city that reminded me of the life I used to have.

So, as you walk down the streets and you see me and somehow recognize me, Mamma, please remember that I am not the dependent, clingy daughter you once knew.

I am the warrior that has learned to move on and forget the past.

Yet, I will never forget the feeling of abandonment, and that past will never change. I will stay here in this city forevermore, drawn by the sounds that will keep you out.

Love, The Outskirts (Melany)