Since you left this Earth I’ve been haunted,

Been dead inside, an empty shell,

I can’t accept it that you’re gone yet,

I don’t know how I ever will.

I miss you when I wake up and when I go to bed,

I can’t believe you died.

I wish I could remember every single word you said,

And I wish so much I could’ve said goodbye and been there by your side.

I miss the jokes we made

About our various quirks.

I really miss the way

That my name inside your mouth just works.

I miss seeing what you showed up in,

Always a flashy dresser.

From the hats to the ties to the pin,

Always put completely together.

I can’t stand to be without you and you know I’m not about to,

So I try hard for LA and struggle every single day,

I don’t know who I am without you,

But in Weho freaks are okay.

I miss you in the morning, night,

And I miss you all day.

I wish you were still alive,

I needed you to stay.

You couldn’t do it,

And it’s not your fault,

I know you really tried,

But I swear you took my whole soul with you when you died.

I miss the fist bumps,

Miss the hugs,

I miss knowing all the time that I was loved

Now all I can hope for is you’re with me from above.

I miss the way you laughed with me,

I miss seeing you smile.

I miss the sound when you would speak,

And how I could survive.

You called me out when I was wrong,

Validated me when I was right.

We both knew that you would leave me all along,

But we were ready to fight.

They didn’t let you try,

Instead they just let you die,

And my eyes haven’t dried,

I’ve just cried and cried.

I have to get out of here,

To give myself a chance.

If only money grew on trees,

I’d be a botanist.

It’s expensive to be me,

But I do not have money.

This world is full of cruelty,

So dark I can no longer see.

I miss the way you made sure that I was always safe.

You’d drive me home when I was wasted,

But even as you searched my home and took danger away,

I always knew you did it because you wanted me to stay.

I will always remember the last time I had you.

And I’ll always keep the things you left behind,

And play your voicemails on a loop,

Although they make me cry.

I’d never really felt safe before,

I haven’t felt it since.

I’d never known a love so pure

So please remember this.

You saved my life over and over again,

You made me feel so seen.

I felt like I was I was on the mend,

I had found my person.

Time doesn’t heal,

And it is not my friend.

It still does not feel real,

Knowing that your life came to such a brutal end.