The worst part about healing is the sheer exhaustion from having to claw your way out of a black hole that’s constantly trying to suck you back in and, even when you’ve made it out and you’re lying on the edge and panting painfully, still…being at risk for free falling back into the blackness.

When the brain fog lifted and clarity returned, I was left speechless. Stunned.

What had just happened?

As I looked into the eyes of my three children, one by one, I could see them waiting without breathing …but for what I wasn’t sure. Glancing around the table, I also noticed my neighbor, Hank, with that same look of anticipation and perhaps a touch of … fear? Sadness?

I didn’t even realize I had apparently been holding my breath in solidarity with the four souls sitting around the table until I inhaled deeply, and, as I did, memories started peeking through the haze in my mind from the last four days that seemed strange and dreamlike. Even more bizarre were the feelings of love, for my jogging-first-thing-in-the-morning-and-gardening-into-the-sunset neighbor.

My eyes widened at the imagery and emotions as I inhaled and relaxed as I exhaled and looked around the table, waiting patiently for someone to tell me what was going on.