It was September, I left a note on the fridge it read.

“I love you”

Nothing else nothing more.

Then I boarded a train out of town with a one way ticket. Deleted my social media. Applied to deedpoll to change my name so you couldn’t find me cut my hair and changed my number. I wasn’t just leaving I was vanishing, the love we had was too powerful too life changing and you told me the night before you couldn’t cope with the emotions. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to cope, I wanted it to be easy, natural, freedom.

People may think it’s a bit extreme, I sometimes think that too. All the people I’ve learned to love, I’m leaving them behind with you. Knowing they’ll take full care of you whilst I’m not around, I know you’ll move on. I know you’ll be happy. It seems like a selfless act to do.

Instead of just leaving and living in the same city reliving the possibilities and holding on to hope that we may one day meet at a time when it’s not so complicated. Reinventing myself seems so much better, at least easier.

I love you, but I can’t watch you be happy, not because I don’t want you to be happy. But because I am unhappy. I love you, but I can’t leave and be with someone else. It’s complicated and now time to get off the train.