I stare at the coffee cup in my hand. It has gone cold…I hadn’t taken a single sip. Everyone ordered coffee…I didn’t want to be the odd one out in my…squad. Avery and Suzie are huddled over Katy’s phone. My heart is beating weird…I can’t seem to see what they’re looking at….

My anxious cuticle rubbing continues as my thoughts spiral…I don’t really have any other friends…scared that I’ll miss out on this friend group while being in the other….

My eyes look up again, they’re talking about drunk elephant…I don’t get the hype about it. Will they think I’m weird? Do they think I’m weird? Maybe overly sensitive…?

I take a sip of coffee…listening intently on their words. My heart beats weird again when Avery and Suzie share a look and start laughing.

Hold up.

Did I miss something?

What are they laughing at? An inside joke?…

Katy is just scrolling on her phone, not caring I guess. Does she not see an issue of missing out on things? I don’t wanna be the odd one out. I wanna include myself….

I envy how katy doesn’t have to include herself to feel wanted and included…. Do I need to post on stories like them..? I don’t have a lot of social media platforms…. Is that why I feel so…left out?

Is that why I’m anxious?….

I can’t seem to enjoy going out anymore…it’s always a train of spiralling self-doubt and fear…anxiety. Thoughts about them going out as a trio…or a duo…. What do they talk about that I can’t join in on?

Every time they post on their stories of them together, I get this ache in my heart and a deep fear of what they might’ve done without me….