A sudden realization hits me as I’m standing in the mirror, Listening to SZA, shaving my freaking mustache to avoid the unwanted comments of my friends.

Why Am I always looking to them first to see how to react?

I spend 50 percent of my time thinking if a certain action will be excepted by them, and the other 50 deciding not to do it, to play it safe.

I’m a monotone mini version of them, a social chameleon of sorts, just without all the interesting colors.

I laugh at there jokes, but never make one’s of my own

I talk how they talk, but never use a word that only I know.

I eat what they eat, but never what I like

And if I can’t copy them,

I make myself the average person, whatever that is.

How are they friends with a person with no person inside.

Haven’t they realized my lack of human inside of me?

What would I joke about

What would i talk about

Why would I eat

Who would I be

I don’t really know.

Because I’m nobody,

just a shell of what I hope my friends will except.

This is my take on belonging

This is also my take on me.