Silence, again. She sits on the edge of her bed staring at her phone screen. For the past 8 hours her anxiety has felt like bees. Bees living just below the surface of her skin, causing her to feel like her whole body is buzzing. Not her stomach but lower she also has the constant drum of unease. None of this is a feeling associated to the man, who has yet again, made her feel less than. No, this feeling is about her. Her having to make a decision. Deciding between reverting to people pleasing ways or just ending it. Numbness, a feeling she knows well. Her protector and destroyer. She can locate exactly where the numbness starts and feel it reaching towards every area of her body. Almost like a blanket being laid across her, covering the anxiety. Pressing the feeling of bees down so hard it now just feels like a barely noticeable vibration. It’s time. She’s not really detached but able to follow through on what she needs to do. Old her would rehash the conversation. Keep trying for connection. Keep trying to be seen, and understood. The mature thing to do would probably be to send one final message but she did that last time and here she is again. She didn’t believe his apology but empathized with him and allowed him another opportunity. All that to still end up right back here. She has never blocked someone before. It’s felt like a cowards way out. If you hurt someone you should have to be inconvenienced by messages for them to get what they need out. But, he hurt her and she has nothing more to say. She also has no desire to hear another fake apology. The vibration in her body becomes a bit more noticeable as her finger hovers over the “block contact” button. She clicks it quickly, rushed to delete contact, and all pictures and videos. She knows if she sees any of them, she won’t regret her decision ,but is more likely to ruminate on how she could of handled it differently. If her choice was too harsh. Once everything is cleared from the phone she looks up, the vibration in her body completely gone. All feeling gone. She feels nothing.