The Hiding Place

Poetry

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This is my safe place Somewhere I can go To wind down and escape the world

There are voices in the distance I know them; I like them They are friends of mine They’re getting closer closer closer

Have they found me? A hand reaches in I grasp it; the others gasp Guess they weren’t expecting that But I’m not letting them go now

More hands close around mine Pulling, pulling gently A light struggle; giggles all around Eventually I’m drawn out

The game is over and now I realise Why would I need to hide? I’m stood among all my friends This is my safe place

Comments 1

The Anarcher

7 months ago

This is good! I do think there is a bit of disconnect between stanzas. Also a few words could be cut out here and there to make it more concise (like now in the last stanza). I would also consider what each part adds to the poem. For example, you say “closer / closer / closer,” and while I see what you’re trying to do with it, it just feels repetitive in this context. Also we don’t really know where the narrator is- not sure if that’s important or not, but it could be described with footsteps coming closer (leaves crunching, padding on carpet, clacking on linoleum, etc) or when the character is being “pulled out” (of where? Is it internal or physical?). The last piece also makes me wonder about the “light struggle.” What does it add? It’s a very different thought if someone is fighting a mental/emotional battle vs struggling out of a bush or something.

This definitely has potential! Keep up the good work!

TotherKoala

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