Nevara was an oddball. Her love language was confusion and emptiness. . . The more love that she craved, it felt like it had to be chased down by distance. She had a love or two, maybe three, individuals over the years who have loved all the bad parts of her in their own ways but it never seemed to be enough for her. They touched her mentally, physically, and spiritually in all the right places. <3 Love was paranoia in disguise for her. Nevara adored love but it had to be on her own terms otherwise she will begin to believe that it is all fake. Her brain goes on and on, round & round.

Nevara was obsessed and captivated by the way that love felt but it also made her feel shame since it made her insides feel like sandpaper. She was scared that she may never be enough for the one that will choose to face the demons she holds inside of her. She doesn’t much care for these demons and they are more background noise than anything at least until someone “healthy” is introduced to her personal routine. Berserko meant a lot to Nev. Although Nev is afraid that she may be trapped in a house of mirrors in her brain because the more she tries to love, the more demonic she is. Berserko was everything she ever wanted in her better half.

All she craves is stability. She wants to know that someone will love her for her 100%. No matter who she might be because she sure as hell ain’t Nevara 24/7… Even she gets sick and tired of this endless cycle but when you find comfort in the way you move, it is very addictive. Comfort is death in disguise. Emotions begin to feel like a scam when you feel the same bits of feelings on repeat. Nevara will run as fast as the Road Runner if she senses any type of displeasure someone may feel towards her. . . She does not want to run but her mind might just consume her into the void if she does not and she has fought long and hard against it already. She needs love.

Nevara ran away from Berserko because of her own actions. As much as she wants someone to love her for the monster she is, it has also took her a long time to get to this point in her life both mentally and physically so she does not want to watch anyone she loves be put through the endless obstacles she has endured because she might love their discomfort and suffering a little too much. (Knowing that she is not alone. 😂🫶🏽) She has learned that laughter is indeed the best medicine and may be the only reason she has made it through life this far tbh.

She doesn’t like the thought of the person she wants to be obsessed with getting trapped in the chokehold her own mind has had on her since forever. Even if they consent or have their own booby trapped minds, it doesn’t feel right. Nevara is just scared that they might get lost like she has and they might feel suffocated by this repetitive cycle her spirit plays out and they might not want to interact with her ever again. She just wants to be held and comforted at the end of a long day. She is not sure how to escape. All she wants is to be loved unconditionally.

Leaving people or treating them in harsh ways have become a sick, twisted love display of hers. It started out logical once she indulged in some psychology to understand herself and then her mind managed to convince her that she has to torment the people she may love or admire in harsh ways so that they can see what they are getting themselves into when they deal with her (But now she is stuck in regret and depression.) Go figure. Tough love was only meant to be encouragement and Nevera just HAD to take it literally. Now she must suffer alone so that she doesn’t have to face the fact of who she has become through the eyes of those around her.