She looked at me with flirty eyes. I laughed. Hilarious, right? Every conversation I had with her was akward and I guess, somewhere along the way, we came up with an inside joke where we would flirt with each other. We can’t seem to bring anything else up in our conversations. It must be hilarious for her because she’s a lesbian and I’m - something. She doesn’t need to know that though. She doesn’t need to know why I come to every one of her parties early to help, or why I read every book she recommends me or why I’m so shy around her. I don’t even know. Yes I do. I know it more with every beat in my heart and every time she looks at me.

“Do you want me to start setting out food?” We were getting ready to watch a game with the rest of our friend group. I came over because ‘I have nothing better to do’ and even though I’ll never make a move and we’ll probably always be akward around each other, I come anyway.

“Go ahead,” Lydia said. She had this black pixie cut and silver earrings dangling down. She wore purple lipstick and a brave amount of eyeliner. I couldn’t imagine anyone able to have the ability to stop staring at her. I, on the other hand, was nothing impressive. I was shy, so shy I could never shake the feeling that I was in my friend group out of pity. I never wore makeup or did anything brave with my hair. Today though, I did wear makeup, just a small amount, and wore my hair in two braids. I felt tremendously less pretty the moment I saw Lydia. I wanted her to think I was pretty, she probably did. She was the kindest person I’d ever met. She just wouldn’t think I’m pretty in _that_ way. She would never think of me in that way, or know I thought of her in that way.

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“Go ahead,” I said in response to my friend asking if she could put food out. Her name is Daphne. She looks like one of the girls in school who would have all the boys wrapped around her finger and all the girls wishing they could be her. She has long blonde hair and soft hazel eyes. She’s the shy one, she tends to stay in the back of the group and go out of her way to do anything to help a friend. She always helps me set up parties, and reads the books I recommend her. I think it might be for a conversation point, our interactions are always so awkward. I get nervous whenever I talk to her, I desperately hope she doesn’t notice. It’d be so awkward to explain why I have a crush on one of my friends. But she’s so pretty, she does this soft, natural makeup I could never pull off, and has these tight braids that the boys in our friend group would _definitely _want to make comments about later. I wish I could tell her or stand up for her without being suspicious. It’s just _akward._