In person

A: _can we talk….this time in person? _

__

M: Sure.

*30 mins before*

Inhale.Exhale. 1, Inhale.Exhale. 2, Inhale.Exhale. 3. Or was that 4? I’m not too sure. All I know is this feeling, thats eating me up from the inside out, as I pass Willow, jefferson, Telluride. Oh shit. Did i miss the turn? No not yet. Calm down Morgan, it’s a simple conversation , I think. I don’t know, what could he possibly want to say this time… Its been a year and 27 days. Not that anyone’s counting of course, gosh why is the traffic so heavy. Breath. Okay, Inhale. Exhale. 1, Inhale. Exhal-

‘You have arrived at your destination.”

The robotic sound of the GPS slices through the growing silence, as I pull up closer to his slender figure. I watch as his paces back and forth slow and his attention diverts to my car.

Four summers, four winters and i’m back at this place.

This bridge.

This was our place right? Our place of “comfort” our place of “saftey” This bridge that connects the both of us, as if his waters were deeper than mine and he couldn’t walk across them. Not that he ever tried.

Why am I here? Again? I ask myself as the car grinds aganist the gravel crunching every bit of earth beneath it. Why do I keep allowing him the satisfaction of my presence? I look down at my knuckles to see them white as snow, as if my grip where the only thing saving me from the unknown ahead of me.

Inhale. Exhale 1, Inhale. Exhale. 2

I unbuckle my seatbelt never breaking the contact at which our eyes have held. Every inhale I take seems to be harder and thicker than the next. and every exhale feels like a punch to the gut. _One Year, twenty-seven days. _

__

My hand rests on the door handle, i rethink this very moment. Maybe if I were at the edge of the bridge ready to jump, it would be better than this. But I can’t, I’ve already made it this far. INHALE. EXHALE 1 I step out boots crunching the earth beneath me. Each step is rhythmic as daunting as the next. As I grow closer to him I notice the integrity of the bridge has depleted significanlty, where the iron beams were a dark green, they have changed to a rustic unhealing red. And it must of rained ealier because the old wood planks holding the both of us smell earthy,stale.

And with every step I wonder: Is this bridge strong enough to hold me anymore ?