when i die bury me in the garden

lay my soul to rest

underneath picnic table and pavement

down below your surface, blanketed in soft warm dirt is caresses me far less gently than intended

worn down off-white dirty converse

collected in it’s fabric each cherished memory, and

every aching step i took towards home with you

dusted over celiephane dandelions

wilted honeysuckle and red roses

dandelion leaves damaged in the overgrowth of my denial in the little ways you treated me

the slight disrespect discarded

lightly here and there like cigarette butts

and shell casings,

the leftover bits not quite hot enough to burn

but just hot enough to sting

resembling chaos, scattered haphazardly — burnt tips of stale nicotine would be the taste of what it feels like to miss you

i miss the way your kisses planted

kindly scattered sweet and soft across my face

every tiny seed we planted lovingly in daylight rays envelopes within this little garden

remains inside my heart

growing wild inside my bloodstream

if i could choose to get tangled in your weeds

bleed out all these insecurities

i can’t help but drip down over you

wrap around me, drink me in

you know i’d love to lose it all again baby

i’d rather lose everything with you high on marijuana acid tabs and shrooms,

our shame sprawling throughout shattered broken glass and old beer cans

hand-me-down regret and mixed matched furniture strewn across the room in misplaced faithfulness and my growing admiration of your being through the rosy lens I choose to see you through in a blooming kaleidoscope of saturated hues tangled up in the woods of my mind full of deep green memories lush bits of pollen floating around the pieces of me I left with you like flower petals drying on the mantle

surround my body tenderly in every shade of love this heart has had for you