My vision is distorted. My integrity, compromised. How was I to be any different from what I always knew and seen to be true?

Every night, my anxiety tells me I don’t deserve to sleep. Why would tonight be any different?

Worthless, expendable, a long, sad ride.

i can’t seem to turn my televison off.

i dream in black and white.

colors are out of my grasp.

i want to give myself a new perspective

but all I feel is pain.

life is like a sharp stick.

Poking the bear until she bares her teeth.

i want out.

i have nothing to say

and everything to tell

my voice is constricted

i feel alone

and non understandable

i feel dark

and empty

what a pointless thing life is

hard times

punishing

health teetering on bad

over the edge

over the cliff

into the water

i’m out of here

i need space

my throat is closing up

the walls are closing in

i feel nothing

and everything all at once

everything is a task

to be endured

even the smallest ones

nausea

always on the verge of bile

am I in denial?

life is like a sharp stick.

i am so depressed

nothing’s working anymore

can anyone see it on me?

do they smell it?

my mom says I should make up my mind about who I want to be from day to day.

but my mind isn’t in control

neither am I

killin em softly

with my silent song

losing interest in all things

remember when I was better?

me neither.

stuck in a loop

or just stuck?

stuck in the bed.

stuck at this job.

stuck in my parents house.

unstuck out of reach

no tears

just nothing inside

watching myself not live

nothing inside

feeling tethered

out of breath