(im not doing the prompt btw)

i am drowing in my own anxiousness

my chest is tight and heavy like someone is tugging at my skin and i have a ginormous weight sitting on top of me and i cant breathe and i can feel someone's touch 5 hours after they nudged me in the hallway on accident and i need to shower shower shower with water so hot it hurts and burns to really be clean and i need to vomit and someone is punching me in the stomach and i cant escape the feeling of nausea and im worthless and i eat too much and i eat too little and the scale is staring at me and i cant stop weighing myself every day and i cant stop worrying about my appearance because if im not pretty then what else and im only good at one thing but still mediocre at best and im not going anywhere in life and i feel like i wont make it to college and i dont think my life will ever amount to anything and everyone is better at my thing than i am and i am awkward and i have no personality and i am just parts of the people i admire and want to be shoved into one sloppy and messy makeshift blob and i keep thinking its getting better but then i wake up at 6 and i go to school and i come home and go to bed and i wake up at 6 and i go to school and i come home and i go to bed over and over and over until its the weekend and i sleep in until eleven and i dont do anything productive and i dont go out enough and its a cycle of depression until summer and then i feel useless some more sleeping in until twelve and staying up until three and scrolling and scrolling and trying to indulge in my hobbies until i realize that there is no point. there is no point in me trying anymore. i stay the same no matter how hard i try. i dont get better at drawing or math or anything i try all i ever feel like doing now is laying in bed and listening to music so loud it might make my ears bleed to drown out my thoughts and all i can think of is why cant i be happy? i have a happy-worthy life and i feel like this? i am needlessly unhappy and tired and numb