I thought I knew you once.

Fully,

Openly,

Lovely.

But that was before I broke you

And the thing we had.

We’ve never recovered

From the pain of losing myself.

All I want to know is who you are,

who you’ve become

In the time we’ve had

to rebuild our failing selves.

But you won’t let me in,

Or can’t.

You’re locked up so tight

Not even self aware

Anymore

I felt so sure in those early days

That this boy would never lose his love for me

But when I lost myself, 

I lost you

And you’ve refused to come back to what we were.

All I’ve mended was never meant to keep you out.

You say it’s a different kind of love than before,

But it doesn’t feel like love at all.

Duty has replaced desire.

My heart jerks like a fish gasping in your palm,

But you refuse the balm!

The well is so, so deep,

But the bucket dry and the rope weak.

We could go round and round again;

My heart aching and your tongue placating

Cuz there’s nothing new under the sun

And the repeated strains of my cries

Have fallen on deaf ears all my life.

I thought this was different,

I thought for sure

I was different,

You were different.

You are different now,

But I can’t figure out how

Because I’m on the outside

Knocking

But you’re there too

Lost, having forgot the key to the lock.