Lola rolled over, shoved her arm under the pillow, then the memory slapped her like a bucket of ice water. He was gone. She groaned involuntarily, heard her voice crack, stretched one arm out from under the covers. Four days and it still felt the same. She needed a drink of water.

Rolling out of bed, she looked at her phone. Four days since he fell. Too long without him. Next week she would need to go back to work, if her head could stop throbbing long enough to let her drive. Four days, and life kept rolling on.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she saw that she looked about how she felt. Her curly hair had taken on a wild look, like a muppet that’s had too many drinks. Her skin was pale. What had she eaten since he DIED? She flinched back from the word even as her mind thought it, and realized it was time to go outside. Seventeen unread texts, two unopened voicemails, and a screen too bright. She dropped her phone on the counter with a thud. It bounced onto the floor. Lola went out.

The trail behind the complex wasn’t the same as it had been. It had been his idea to move out here, and while she had walked it alone many times, the shadows of the trees never felt so cold. The wind was never so loud. The people she passed looked so… lifeless, pulling their phones or staring straight ahead, anything to avoid acknowledging another life passing them by on the trail. A car rolled by below, engine barely audible through the cedar trees. A honk was louder. Lola kept walking.

The late morning sun was getting warm, but the breeze felt strangely comfortable, wrapping a friendly arm around her shoulders. It was the most lifelike gesture she’d felt in four days, since he fell. Golden leaves crunched underfoot.

She crested the hill and saw an old man and a young couple. She recognized the old man - he was there every day, and smiled at her the way people used to do. She hoped he wouldn’t say hi. She hoped he wouldn’t ask a question. The young couple were there for a phone, him taking pictures of her in front of the view. High above the city, they saw nothing below. Just an autumn backdrop to a post they’d soon forget. Lola thought about sitting down, hesitated, and turned toward home.