So, I will try to leave some feedback. I always like to start by saying that I’m trying to provide some constructive feedback that helps you improve and am not criticizing your work. Poetry is also hard to critique because it has a lot of freedom to be written however you want with very few hard and fast “rules”… but I’ll try!
This is a free form poem that didn’t have a set structure or rhyme scheme that I noticed. The stanzas all varied in line length and number of lines seemingly randomly. None of this is bad, I’m just pointing it out. Using a set structure can be helpful depending on what you are trying to convey with your poem, but a free form poem doesn’t have to have any structure unless it helps or is meaningful to you.
That being said, I found this poem to have a really choppy pace. That is mostly because of the very short lines like “is no” and “the villain” (as well as others). If this is on purpose it could make a lot of sense. Revenge is a messy emotional response that is not usually pretty or eloquent. It’s often ruthless and rough. So a structure/pace that does that on purpose makes sense. However, if you aren’t doing it on purpose just be aware that a line break adds an addition pause when reading your poem. So
The answer they tell me
Is no
Sounds very very different than
The answer they tell me is no
Try reading both out loud if you don’t know what I mean. The first one reads like you are jumping from rock to rock across a river—quick starts and stops that fees fast and dangerous. While the second feels like you are floating on a lazy River—smooth, slow, gentle and continuous. By changing this you can make your poem read like whatever emotion you want to express. If you already do this intentionally I would just question your choice to do this everywhere you did. If you aren’t doing this on purpose it’s something to be aware of!
The next thing I noticed is that you use almost exclusively first person perspectives. This is common in all of the poems I’ve clicked on of yours so far. Again, this is not bad, but you may want to branch out and try some different perspectives! Having a poem in fists person (I do this, or I feel that) can be very personal and effective. I think it works for this poem about revenge in particular, but you can have some poems that are 3rd person or second person.
One last thing I’ll mention to avoid going on forever is that this poem seems (to me) to be about a very specific event or circumstance… but it’s very vague. Again this isn’t bad if it’s what you mean to do, but I find it strange. As the reader I get the sense that you have a very specific piece of “blackmail” or “evidence” in mind, but I have no idea what it is… you say we both know it’s dangerous, but I don’t know that… how is it dangerous? It’s very different for you because you already have these answers, but your reader does not.
I’m not saying you have to tell what the blackmail is or how it’s dangerous… but what I will say is that anything you don’t tell me I am going to make up and you could hint at some of this stuff or leave clues to help me imagine what you want if that’s something you want in the poem. Sometimes general is good because it lets the reader imagine something relatable or desirable to them. However, I would pick a few important details and describe them more specifically so the reader can imagine what you are imagining.
Anyway, I hope this helps somewhat! It may just be me rambling… sorry if that is the case.
