The frat house was overflowing with people and noise. I stopped at the corner watching the chaos unfold for a moment. Dormer and I hadn’t spoken since last weekend. He’d driven me back to my dorm room after the game. It had been close, but he’d rallied with the last 2 minutes. His assist to Dawson had been one of the most perfect passes I’d ever seen. With the score tied up, the opposing team pulled their goalie hoping to have an extra pair of hands for a slap shot. It ricocheted off our keeper and with the last few seconds, Dormer sent the puck down the ice and into the net just before the buzzer. The crowd went nuts, but Dormer just pointed at me smiling before his teammates tackled him. The tires screeched as he tore into the lot and threw the car in park before practically yanking me on top of him. He was still sweaty and windows fogged fast. His pads and skates in the back wreaked so much I could barely breathe.

“Wait wait slow down.” I grabbed at his hands that were pushing up my top and squeezing so hard I ended up with small bruises all over my torso.

“Come on Taven. Don’t I get a reward after that game?”

He pushed past my hands kissing my neck and fumbling with the button of my jeans. Again I grabbed his hands, “Dawson it wreaks in here.”

His groan was low, “Say my name again.”

I couldn’t help but giggle which seemed to rev him up again.

“No, it’s gross in here.”

He sighed slouching back in his seat, “Fine, can I come up then?”

“You know Mia will be asleep already.”

“Jesus, your roommate sucks.”

“She’s pre med and stressed out.”

“Will you come back to the frat house then?”

A scowl took over his face as he anticipated my answer. Rolling his eyes he practically shoved me off of him and unlocked the doors.

“I just don’t want the guys listening in.”

“Yeah I’ve heard that one before.”

I watched him for a minute trying to find something to help diffuse the situation.

“You played great.”

“Yep.”

I sighed leaning over to kiss his cheek but he ducked to the side.

“You’re really that upset about this?”

“It’s always something Tae. It’s too early, too late, you’re on your period, don’t feel good, Mia is there. Just get out. I’m gonna go party with the guys.”

“Can’t we just talk abo—“

“Get out.”

He leaned over popping the latch on my door.

“Really?”

“Yes really.”

Climbing out I slammed the door behind me and he peeled out of the lot.

Yesterday he messaged about the party and tonight I stood on the sidewalk outside the house wondering if I should even go in. A few people spilled out of the house, one heaved their guts into the bushes while the others laughed. The music pulsed through the street and I shifted anxiously from one leg to the other. He hadn’t apologized or even asked to talk. The text had simply said the frat was throwing a party and that I should come. I just wanted to talk to him and while a party wasn’t great for communication, it was all he’d offered.

Sucking down a deep breath, I walked down the path and up the front steps. The door was hanging open, two girls making out against the frame. Slipping past them I was met with a wall of people and the smell of sweat and cheap beer. Navigating through the crowd was slow, every few feet I’d have to push between people. Occasionally a guy would grind up against me, but I just kept moving. Finally the crowd thinned and I stepped into the kitchen finding Dormer doling out solo cups.

“Tae! You came!”

He yelled over the music and slid around the counter wrapping his arms around my shoulders and kissing my temple. He leaned just barely to the right and his breath smelled like beer.

“How much have you had? I was kind of hoping we could talk.”

I looked around finding the other guys staring at us. Some smirked while others muttered to each other.

“I’m fine baby, you should have a drink.”

One of the guys slid a beer down the counter. Some of its contents sloshed over the side before Dormer grabbed it putting it in my hand.

“Can we talk?”

“Sure baby just have a drink though. Loosen up a little.”

He kissed my cheek and I chuckled.

“You’re drunk.”

“I told you I’m fine. Would you rather have water?”

“No it’s fine.” I took a sip hoping the drink would make me less self conscious. It still seemed as though the other guys were staring at me as Dormer headed for the stairs. The crowd that I’d had to fight my way through parted for him as though he were a god. In this house I suppose he’s as close to a god as it gets. I downed the rest of the drink dropping the cup on the floor before following him up the stairs to his room. There were fewer people upstairs, the guys rooms were off limits leaving just two couples making out and the others in line for the bathroom. Dormer’s room was the first door on the left, he led me inside closing the door behind us. The room was a mess. Dirty clothes covered the floor and his desk was piled with school books, pucks, and other pages.

“I guess you weren’t expecting us to talk really.”

“Not really. I just needed some time to cool off I think.”

“I didn’t want to upset you I just…” the room suddenly sloped to the side for a second.

Dormer reached out holding me steady, “you okay?”

“Yeah, I think it was just…”

The room spun and I eased down to sit on his bed. He sat next to me, his hand on my back.

“Maybe I do need some water.”

“Maybe, just relax baby.”

Dormer guided me down onto my back, his hands slid around my waist pushing my shirt up and kissing my stomach.

“Stop Dormer, I need water.”

“You’ll be fine, just relax.”

The room spun faster and I couldn’t help but close my eyes. Dormer’s hands kept pushing and pulling and I couldn’t help barely string my thoughts together. I felt tears streaming down my face as Dormer’s fingers slid down into my shorts pushing aside fabric and pressing into me.

I whimpered and a loud bang reverberated through the room. Dormer’s hand disappeared and he was yelling with someone but I couldn’t help barely squint. Two bodies shoving back and forth until one fell backwards hitting the floor. The other moved towards me. I squirmed back but the person reached down pulling my shirt back down before the cool skin of their arm met my forehead.

“It’s okay, I’m not going to do anything to you Taven.”

My eyes drifted closed as his arms slid beneath my shoulders and legs. I was barely aware of moving before everything went black.

My head pounded as I leaned over and heaved up what little there was in my stomach. Someone’s fingers brushed my hair back out of the way. I squinted finding Dawson squatting in front of me. One hand holding my hair, the other holding a trash can.

“What…”

“Don’t freak out, nothing happened. I’m sure your body is just getting rid of whatever that prick gave you.”

Groaning, I shifted back to laying on my side. Dawson released my hair and stood stepping into his bathroom. I could hear the sink turn on, then off, and he walked back over squatting down beside me.

“Nothing happened?”

“No. The guys told me you showed up and I came up to find you. I had hoped he was joking, but clearly he wasn’t.”

My head pulsed and tears flowed. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this uncomfortable.

Dawson thumb wiped at my tears.

“You’re safe Taven. He’s not even here. The fucker went to the PT room to get his face fixed.”

“It’s my head…”

“Hold on.”

He stood again going back to his bathroom. When he returned he held an unopened bottle of water and a bottle of aspirin. I moved to sit up which had my head spinning. I reached out taking the water and pills popping 2 and swallowing. Dawson sat down beside me but he was careful not to touch me.

“Are you okay?”

I just shook my head and drank more water.

“That was probably a dumb question.”

I felt a blush creep over my face. The embarrassment flooded in sweeping me under its current. More tears flowed and my hands swiped at the tears scrubbing my face. I sniffed trying to reign in my emotions.

“I guess I should thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me Tae. He shouldn’t have done what he did. The guys a douchebag.”

“I never thought he would do anything like this.”

“You’re way too good for him.”

The scoff that escaped me was brutal.

“I should go.”

“I can drive you. The dorms are on the other side of campus.”

I stood up and my head pulsed again.

“Normally I’d say I was fine, but if you’re really willing to drive me then I’d appreciate it.”

He stood grabbing his keys and we walked slowly out to his car. Passing Dormer’s room felt like walking past a crime scene. I slowed for a moment, my breath catching, I practically froze. Dawson’s hand at my elbow prompted me forward and down the stairs. The house was trashed, cups and bottles were scattered everywhere. Somehow the smell was worse without the crowd of bodies. Dawson opened the front door and we stepped out towards the street. His car was parked on the opposite side. He opened my door and waited for me to get settled before closing it and walking around to the drivers side. He popped open his door as Dormer’s car turned into view. My heart dropped as he parked in the open spot across from us. He climbed out look at Dawson. His eye was swollen and black, his lip split. He crossed the street giving Dawson a wide berth.

“Don’t fucking do it Dormer…” Dawson’s hands clenched into fists but he didn’t move. Dormer came to my door and I locked it just as he reached for the handle.

“Tae, please? Can we talk?”

I shook my head feeling the tears gather on my bottom lids.

“Come on Tae, last night was a mistake. I was drunk and it was some of the other guys idea.”

Dawson closed his door moving around the car.

With the doors closed, their voices were muted. Dawson stood at the front of his car staring down Dormer, fists still clenched.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you. Go inside before I beat your ass again.”

“Tae, just open the door.” He tugged on the handle making me flinch. Dawson stepped up and shoved him back.

“You really wanna do this again?”

Dormer held up his hands and backed up crossing the street and going inside.

Dawson slid into the drivers seat and pulled away from the curb. I cried silently in the passenger seat watching the campus pass by. This early on a Sunday morning, no one was out. It felt as though the one saving grace the universe was allowing me was the freedom to cry without an audience. That is except for Dawson.

He doesn’t say a word as he drives. I don’t even feel him look my way.

“I probably look pathetic.”

“No.”

“No?”

He up to my building and puts the car in park before turning towards me.

“No Taven. You don’t look pathetic. You look like a person with emotions grieving a relationship that wasn’t what you thought it was.”

I sniff and he wipes at the tears still clinging to my cheeks.

“You look beautiful.”

Surprised, I look up to find him staring at me with an expression I can’t place. I don’t feel pitied, and despite the words, I don’t feel as though he’s hitting on me. We stare at each other until there’s a knock on the window that startles us both. Mia stands outside my door looking somehow panicked and relieved at the same time. I climb out and she hugs me tight.

“Jesus, where have you been? I’ve been calling you and asking around. I thought you’d be out late but when I woke up and you weren’t in your bed I started getting worried.”

“It’s a long story.”

Dawson climbs out of the driver side and Mia looks from me to him and back again.

“Clearly.”

“Can you keep a close eye on her? Make sure she eats something and drinks more water?”

“Yeah… Where’s Dormer?”

Dawson frowns and gets back in his car.

Leaning down I grab my bag and look at him.

“Thank you.”

He nods and I close the passenger door. His car pulls away and Mia takes my arm.

“You’ve been crying. What happened?”

“Dormer tried to…” my breath catches again.

“Let’s get inside.”

Mia takes my bag and walks toward the door scanning us in.

We walk down the hall to our room and again I find myself grateful for the empty hallways. Our room smells like citrus and clean sheets.

“Sit down. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. I just need to know who to kill?”

Something between a laugh, a gasp, and a sob rattles out of me and she smiles sitting with me on my bed.

“Nobody needs to die. He was gonna … force me, but Dawson stopped him.”

Mia’s frown pulls more tears from me.

“I’m fine, just embarrassed. I shouldn’t have gone.”

“He shouldn’t be breathing.”

I laugh through the tears and she takes my hand.

“I can go get us coffee or snacks and we can watch movies all day okay?”

I nod and she stands up grabbing her wallet.

“I’ll be right back. Try to drink some water and take a quick nap.”

She steps out closing and locking our door. My phone pings and I fish it out of my bag. Dormer’s name hovers on the screen and I hold my breath putting in the passcode.

‘Can we please talk?’

My thumbs hover over the keyboard and I gather everything I have.

‘There’s nothing to say. Stay away from me.’

Hitting send feels like the final nail in the coffin. I go to his contact and block him before deleting his number. I log into everything blocking him from my insta, snapchat, and Facebook. I’m about to lock my phone when I get another message. Dawson.

‘If I can do anything just say the word.’

‘You’ve already done so much for me.’

‘Still just… call me if you need anything.’

‘Ok.’

I lock my phone and grab a bottle of water from our mini fridge. I drink some before setting it on the floor next to me and laying down. I fall asleep remembering Dawson’s eyes on me and his voice ringing, ‘You look beautiful.’